Full Time Job!

0:00 Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

0:45 welcome to our small group we call it bumper sticker wisdom I'm John I'm Terry our new that's our new thing it's a small small group so they can't say we're not doing a small group sorry my volume got off a little bit that's cuz you ribbon yes in my pocket we'll say a quick prayer and then we'll get started Heavenly Father, we want to thank you for everybody who's taking the time right now to listen to us, Father God. May you give us something that we can present to them that gives them some curiosity, some hope. Maybe they feel some love. Maybe they feel seen and included, Father God. We love you. We thank you for this call. And it's in Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Amen. So last week, we've had a couple of good weeks of conversations. You know, two weeks ago we replayed a a video of us having a real conversation at home. Well, it's funny because I keep telling them, yes, you have to listen. You're like, babe, they don't come out to next week. I'm like, oh, dang it.

1:47 I think it's the one that's not. Yeah, you're right. You're right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm like, it's episode 133. Yeah. And they're like, that's not what I said. I'm sorry. I hear y 'all don't. I'm sorry. Yes. Yes. We're literally Okay, so if you think about it, it's two weeks out, right? So what we record today doesn't come out this Saturday, it comes out the Saturday after, right? So it's technically it's like 10 days out or 11 days out, 12 days out, something like that. So it does get a little bit confusing that way. It's hard because I'm not used to that because I'm always like, you know, yeah, you should go listen. I'm like, oh, yeah, no, you missed it.

2:28 You missed it. Not yet. But so. Anyway, we've had a couple of good really good conversations two weeks ago It was you know, we talked through a video of us having a conversation about the weight of a tear and it how what that led into a lot of different things and then Last week, we really talked about the attack on relationships and there's a ton in that you can unpack And then at the end of the conversation we were already done. We had already you know cut We were just talking and I said something that seemed like a good thing to talk about and the main idea is it turns out that fighting is a full -time job it is a full -time job right meaning it's not it's not like every once in a while you're going to have a battle when you're in this christian life you might as well just already be prepared for war right it's it's it's part of the gig yeah And I don't know. It's not real easy to reconcile that in our minds to help us understand that. But there's a whole bunch of other things that come out of that. Right. Like a lot of questions come out of that. No. Number one. And a lot of thoughts that came through it. Right. Like I think we have this false sense of expectation when we join in the fight. Right. Like we think that. You know. as we grow in maturity with Christ in our relationship with Christ like the fighting will end. Right? No, this is this is the job

4:02 you signed up for. Yeah. And so what are you looking at? My chapstick is really interesting. It's not interesting. I'm just I'm trying to think if I want to turn down my volume or not. But yeah. Sorry. If it's not I took my watch off. I think it's another. You're over here just like. Well, I'm just flipping it and it's annoying. I know. Sorry. I think it's another. Sorry. So anyway, it's it's going to the fight just doesn't end. No, it doesn't. Yeah. It's like I was at the bar the other day because I worked during the day on a Friday and I. I'm always talking about something, you know, my church or something, and I invited two people while I was there. They're like, oh my gosh, what church are you going to?

4:58 So I told them what church I went to. And this one guy goes, well, I don't believe. And I said, I'm not asking you to believe or whatever. He goes, well, we believe that you don't have to go to church. I said, I'm with you. I said, I believe that you don't have to go to church to believe. But I'm just saying, do you believe in Jesus? He goes, yeah. I said, but I don't say you, I'm not saying you have to go to church. But I'm fighting for what I believe in. And he's like, no, I believe in that. You know, I'm like, OK, then just don't say that. Just say, I don't believe in. I don't have to believe to go to church. Right. I don't have to go to church to believe. And look, you're right. You don't. Yeah. You also don't have to go to school to cut somebody's chest open and work on their heart. Yeah. But it's probably not going to end well. Yeah. Where does this go? Where does that go? Right. That's how I view church now. Yeah. I didn't used to.

5:49 Used to be very firm about this right like I was very firmly Opposed to the church and it Stems back to some church hurt and some things that I saw everybody gets hurt a hundred percent where people are involved Here church there anywhere. You're gonna get hurt no matter where you go. Yeah where people are involved There's probably gonna be a level of offense or hurt So I guess to It just We've been going to this church what eight years almost nine years now and so for me My viewpoint has changed yeah, right like yeah you can Walk your relationship out by yourself if you want to but God didn't design you that way We need to be fed, right? And we need to be mentored and we need to be counseled, right?

6:46 And it's the first time in my life that I've ever truly been willing to, right? And a lot of that comes from being in relationship with a church for as long as we have, right? The person that was willing to reach out about struggle is motivated by the person who's been in church for eight years and and learned That I can't do this by myself. You know what I mean? I'm not equipped. You know what I mean? I'm Started behind in a lot of ways. So Yeah, I can I'm smart enough to Read the Bible and be in relationship with Christ and you can have a relationship with him that way You can be fully have faith in him in that way But you're not gonna get everything you need You have to have people around you that are pouring into you, right? You know what I mean? You have to have that you have to have people pouring into you because if you don't then it's like You're not gonna get full. You're not gonna be able to you know pour into others So you gotta get poured into so you can pour into others too, right? You know, that's that's good. You know I'm saying I Think over time the thing about fighting the good fight right and fighting The battle never really truly ending is like, you know, the the fight changes over time, right? Like when you first get in relationship, you know, you probably fight sin, right? So you're like you kind of fight the temptations and things

8:17 like that. And then as you go, it becomes other things, right? Like maybe I don't struggle so much with that sin anymore. But now I got a new problem. Like my pride gets in way or or discouragement or like like where I'm at now. I'm facing. Scars that I've never really dealt with because I've always had someone else or something else to focus on right now I have to focus on me. It's a weird place to be in. You know what I'm saying? It's so like the fight changes it evolves it gets different over time and You know We have to decide that we want to be actively participating in this fight, right every single day. So our faith Our faith is not just something that's just there right You know what I mean? You actually have to live it out. You have to act it out.

9:05 You have to walk through it. Does that make sense? Yes, yes. And I think that, you know, I think, again, going back to that conversation or that part of the conversation where it was like, you know, we kind of have this false expectation that we come into relationship with Christ and it's like, this is easy street. You know what I mean? I think it bears proving that we are meant to fight. Yeah. We are meant to be in a fight. Yeah. If we weren't, why would God design the full armor? Right? Absolutely. Amen. Yeah. So you got a helmet, you got a breastplate, you got a belt, you got feet, shoes, you got a shield, right? All those things are meant to defend you in a fight, right? Yeah. Right. And then there's the sword. There's the sword. Yeah. Right. You're meant to Use his word which is what the sword of the spirit is which is the word of God You're meant to use his word as a combat Assistant in the fight. So I guess the question is what are we fighting? the good fight Yeah, we're fighting the good fight, but what are we fighting? What's the thing that we're fighting? I Mean there's gonna be a lot of different things, you know, what are you fighting for, you know? I think the good fight is fighting for truth, right?

10:33 And fighting for advancing his kingdom. And I think you're right, it actually looks different in different places. Yeah, I mean, everybody's in a different stage of life, seasons. So everybody could be dealing with certain things. Yeah, and one portion of your life... You know, like Jason's been on here talks very openly about his struggles with addiction Yeah, and then one phase of his life that was his fight. Yeah And then another phase of his life. It may it's something else and another phase of your life It's something else and that's the physical tangible thing that you're combating But the truth is none of those are what you're what we're fighting. Excellent.

11:14 We're fighting Not against flesh and blood. Yes, but against ideals principalities. We're fighting the enemy the enemy Right and yeah I feel like this year, you know, I'm not going to say he's one because I'm telling you he is not winning, but he is done. He's he's he's trying to win. He's not winning. He is not. But he's just he's done a lot of damage this year for me to see in lots of not just my not me, but in lots of different people. And I want people to know that. Just got to be able to use God's word. Use God's Word to be able to fight the enemy. We have to use His Word. Get into your Bibles, guys, because we need to use it. Because the devil can put one word. He can just put just one word into your head and then he will make you believe that one word. That turns into a big old ball of yarn.

12:13 Oh, yeah. It gets tangled up into all kinds of nastiness. The thing about the sword, the thing about the sword that is evidence to me, I think a lot of us as Christians get into this mode of thinking that we are meant to take the beating. Right? Yeah. You're actually supposed to fight back. Yes. Right. And now again, this is all metaphorical, right? Yeah. Look, if you don't know, we're fighting with words. Yes. Right. The words that are coming into our heads, the words that are coming out of our mouths. Right. And so that's why the sort of the spirit of God's word is so important. Right. Your Bible, it is important. And I think also, what does victory look like? I think we think that victory looks like advancement, like we're advancing, we're advancing, we're pushing forward, pushing the enemy back, right? So you think about a, you know, okay, so you're not, you don't like war movies, but you like medieval type of movies and stuff like that. And so imagine like Game of Thrones, right? You remember when Jon Snow goes out on the battlefield and all these dudes, he's out there by, he's, he's a man of, he's an army of one standing out there with this whole horde rushing at him. And then He doesn't realize that the people behind him are coming to fight with him, but you kind of, that's the image you get, right? And you feel like winning is pushing the enemy backward when really it's just standing firm. It is. If you really listen, look into God's word when he's talking about the full armor, he says, stand firm. Stand firm, not advance, not retreat. Firm, stay where you are. Yeah.

13:44 It's just like, it's just like the, doesn't it mean when they went around the wall? They also was Jericho. Yeah, and he's turning firm around the wall and kept going and getting ready still, you know, that was firm They kept walking and walking finally, you know, that's a confidence, right? Yeah standing firm. Is it how do you get that? Where how do you get the ability to stand? Yeah, it's confidence It's knowing knowing that you're strong. Yeah on the word standing on the word Being there you're gonna see God's God play through it. You're going to see him in it. All the things he's going to play through, you know, and I think what we, what we start to recognize is that the enemy, he doesn't necessarily try to destroy you. He's not just here to destroy.

14:32 He actually is trying to exhaust you, just wear you down. Right. So we keep like, if you, if you know anything about boxing or any kind of a combat sport, um, boxing, Mixed martial arts. There's a thing about body shots Stamina every time you eat one to the body. It takes your stamina down, right? Your engine loses a little fuel Yeah, getting punched the face is brutal. Yeah, those body shots Linger. Yeah, you know what? I mean it drains the tank and so The enemy is constantly throwing body shots And you're like, oh eight thousand eight thousand eight thousand, but you still feel like you're good until eventually you're not good Yeah, you know what I mean? And then all he's truly trying to do is to try to divert you So I'm gonna wear you down to where you no longer feel like getting into his word.

15:26 You no longer feel like praying You no longer feel like serving you no longer feel like you know what I'm saying. Just he's a master at that Oh, yeah wearing you down, right? I'm wearing you down, baby You know, it's it's truly Where we have to yeah be equipping ourselves with the armor. Absolutely, right and You know, it takes heart it takes it takes that's what I think church is about though, right like we were talking about it That's what I think church is about and the reason you need to be there It's like you can find some good people in church, right and you find some bad people too Oh, yeah, but just like I said, you've got to find the good ones There's gonna be bad ones. I'm not gonna say every church every church is like that. I'm sorry That's just people and it's just people you're gonna find bad ones. You're gonna find good ones. Yeah, that's anywhere you go. Yeah, I think that How do you equip yourself Right. How do we equip ourselves with the armor? How do we equip ourselves with the sword of the spirit, right? By learning by being in his word learning what those things are learning how to activate them Can you do it on your own? Sure. But you're only coming from one perspective. Yeah. Right. And so look, we are supposed to help each other. Yeah. Right.

16:47 It says it's not good for man to be alone. Right. God's Word says that very early in the beginning, you know, with Adam and Eve. And so we're meant to share life with people. We're meant to share life. And you can know God's Word and still not know it. Absolutely, you can get one scripture and mean one a scripture. I mean one this year and the next year You can read the same thing. I mean something else next year. I mean, it's all about that season that you're in, you know, yep I think we get into the thought that Peace being at peace means that we're not ever we're not fighting. Absolutely, and I don't think that's true I think Peace doesn't mean the absence of conflict, right? I think peace means Calm in the storm calm in the conflict confidence understanding believing in him and understanding That we come from a position of victory. We're not fighting for victory We can't we can't win because it's already won. Yeah, and he can't win because it's already won Yeah, you know what? I mean the victory already belongs to Jesus. It's already been done It's just like what would you say the M on Sunday?

17:59 You know, it's just like we want to like What did he say about? Resting yeah And it's like, you know letting him you know do it for us, you know, he's got it he knows what we've you know it's all about Getting there and then just like he's that he knows what I mean. We can just just follow work We can just be like a leash. Yeah, just just put me on a leash. I'll just follow you One thing that that he said that I that resonates is that he didn't say um rest doesn't mean he said rest doesn't mean no action right doesn't mean you're not doing anything right right right doesn't mean laziness no no absolutely not i mean but but just it's just like just like following in his steps like you know here we go just just following his steps as in and then here it is resting you know you've ever heard the saying rest assured No, rest assured means you can bet on it Oh, right. Yeah, so like rest assured I'm gonna blah blah blah rest assured they're gonna blah blah blah, right rest assured Okay. Yeah, so being assured is like a confidence. So if you're what you're what we're talking about there is Being rest assured that God's got you. Yeah, right You can rest because you are assured that

19:31 he's got you, right? You're sure that he loves you. You're sure that he cares. You're sure that he's more concerned about you than he is the birds, but the birds get provided for. Why are you so concerned? He's providing for you if you just let him. Yeah. Now that doesn't mean look, the birds build nests too. Yeah. They provide, God provided the material, right? This doesn't mean don't do anything. Right. It means have confidence, trust. Trust in the Lord. It says trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, right? In all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight. You can't do that if you're not at rest. Absolutely. Not at rest meaning sleeping rest or laying on your butt or not doing anything.

20:18 Rested in your confident hope and your faith in him. Absolutely. What are you fighting right now? What do you feel like you're what's attacking you? Me Come on man, let's get it. Let's get let's get honest I've been honest just like my next surgery and You're we're back on that now, so just giving over my things for people to do those things. Oh, I just had a given Things over to people I have a problem with that and Understand it Submitting to that that that's hard for me.

21:03 And then maybe it's something that you have to experience though Think about it though exactly you've never done. It's just like what I was talking about about Like receiving compliments, right? Yeah, it's a very uncomfortable thing for me. I don't like it But I like it. Yeah, I mean, of course everybody likes to be complimented but I'm very uncomfortable with it. I don't know how to act. I don't know how to receive it, right? And just taking the small step of saying thank you, I receive that. You know what I mean? It's awkward, right? But maybe that's just the season of life you're in. You have to understand. Maybe this is how God's trying to tell you, hey, I know you love me, but you don't know how to submit to me. You don't know how to rest. You don't know how to quit. You don't know how to let me...

21:52 take care of you. So I'm gonna do something to you where you got no choice. So yeah, that's that's probably what mine is. And then another one is to just taking the time for myself and learning how to say what how I feel sometimes sometimes I don't tell people I feel sometimes I just sometimes all the time. Come on, Terry. All the time. Oh, you, you already know. So I don't know what I'm telling you. You just don't. Well, OK, but the thing is, I don't have a book to you. You know what I mean? Just because I know doesn't mean I know. Right. I know that there's something, but I don't understand. Yeah.

22:36 Right. And I can't I tell you, I get frustrated all the time when I'm like, look, I'm just trying to understand and you can't tell me anything. You won't tell me anything. Right. I don't. I'm just trying to understand. Right. What are we talking about a minute ago James says seek like yeah No, and it's not because I said I'm like I need to keep reading that I'm like keep speaking it over myself You know those things you know must be quick to listen Okay, so the thing is why be quick to listen You don't be quick to listen just so you can hear right you be quick to listen so you can understand right so you can calculate how to respond, right? And you don't give me that benefit. I'm not saying not ever, but a lot of the time, you don't give me that benefit or that opportunity. So it causes a little bit more tension for really no reason.

23:30 You know what I mean? Because I am that person. I feel the tension in the room. I read it. It's like butter. I could put it on my bread and eat it. Did I say it like that? It's just like your face, and I'm like, ooh. I didn't mean it like that. Sorry. My face? My face. Sometimes I'm like, ooh. I just need that one little person on my shoulder to fix your face. Oh. If I start smiling, it's going to be more awkward. I'm a smiler, though, so you know. But yeah. But sometimes my words come out, and I'm just like, oh, I didn't mean it like that. But it came out that way.

24:11 So, you identify the thing, right, right now that you're fighting, so you're having a problem with submission, so how do you fight? Learning to submit, just trusting that someone's gonna do it. You were gonna say do it right You were gonna say do it right that's exactly what you were gonna say, isn't it? Yes, it is. Oh, I got her got her on film on Film on camera digital film Caught you do it my way. Uh -huh. I know it's not gonna get done the right way. I know but What's the right way your way or is it y 'all way I can't say that because it's, hey, it's like, I can't say it because, hey, it's getting done. What matters is done, you know?

25:13 Like, that didn't, okay, it's done. It doesn't matter. I'm gonna break this down for you. I'm gonna be real clear with you. She is not worried about anybody else not doing it right. She's worried about me not doing it right. That's who she's talking about. It's nobody but me. Just like cameras had the other day. He goes now. I know you weed eater I said she because what's the she has a cuz she's temperamental She likes it a certain way he goes I know and she is she's she's just you know, you got to keep a trigger I Just I don't know what it is. It's just like, you know, he used her the other day and he was like, yep I got her now I got and I know how to do it now. Look, I understand But so the issue that I have with how you feel about that is what have I ever done to make you feel like I can't or won't, you know what I mean? Look, okay, just to kind of give a little bit of a backstory, when we very first started doing this, where we were mowing at Jaylee Milligan, when we very first started doing that, you didn't like the way I mowed, but you never said anything. Until until eventually you did and it's like, okay, hold on This is a business Technically right now. I'm your employee. I can't live up to an expectation that you don't set, right? Right.

26:38 So if you refuse to set the expectations and you can't be upset that I didn't live up to it You're right. You're so right. That's why I was like it's too big for me to do is I'm like she used to She complained about my lines Like I didn't know straight But you never said that you never said who doesn't do straight lines terry. I Just I agree. I agree with you. I totally understand. I know I didn't mow my yard growing up I know I understand that you had to pick weeds I had yeah, we manually mowed it with our fingers and we we picked weeds too But I mean that was we enjoyed doing that so that was something that we enjoyed that was punishment To us. It was not punishment. It was given to me as a punishment.

27:21 It wasn't Hey, we're out. Here's a family picking weeds No, it's take your ass out there by yourself in the dead heat of summer with no one around you by yourself and you pick those giant tree stalk weeds that poke and Give you blisters and cut you and they're stickers and yeah That what it was given to me as a punishment it wasn't My mom would have a little butter knife and she'd just go out. But see, that's an activity at that point. You're doing it together. There wasn't nobody out there with me. I was by myself. Get your ass out there and pick those weeds. I get it. I totally understand that. So yeah, punishment, not a reward. We would fight over the mower.

28:04 Me and Kevin would fight over the mower in the yard. I don't even remember us owning a lawn mower. Sure we did, but I don't remember. Me and Kevin would fight over the mower. But me, like I said, I'm an edge person. Edging is easy. So easy. It's the weed eating that's bad because you have to catch just the top layer. You can't just go. OK, it's just. I know. I understand. Like, have I ever done this? No, but then it's like you can't get it and then you take you spend more time like restringing it and then pulling and restringing. And it's just. Yeah, it's OK. What are you scared of? I don't know. Time because you're not doing it. I know. Who cares? It's your time. It's my time. I know. I know. I know.

28:53 Wow. She just hurt my feelings in front of seven billion people. I know. I'm so sorry. I know. I went to a conference one year and he scalped my yard on purpose, on purpose. It was terrible. It was time. Look how much better it looks ever since then. No. Yes. That's the yard. That has nothing to do with me scalping it. We don't scalp yards no more. That's old school. It works. Well, not all the time. We don't scalp yards no more. We just feed it, water it, feed me. Okay. Because you're the expert. That's the point. We don't scalp yarns no more. This looks terrible. It was winter time. It was dormant. It wasn't growing.

29:46 That's what you're supposed to do. Oh, we don't do that. It comes back better next year. That's the point. No, we're not. We're staying right here until we solve this issue. We're fighting the good fight right now. We're not, we're just talking about mowing grass. Mowing grass can be a metaphor for other things too though. If you think about it, this is exactly what we're talking about, right? Like in order for me to, I have to be able to understand, but you won't even give me a reason why other than we just don't do that. That's not an answer. You just don't do that. It's just, it's not good for the grass. Yes, it is good for the grass. People have been doing it forever and it works. So why?

30:33 Everybody else is not me. Okay. But you won't say why not you? Because I don't do that. Because you just think it's wrong. No, I don't like the way it looks. When you look at it, it just, it's like, it's like your babies and you cut their hair when they have lights. No, you just don't do that. You have to. We had boys. I didn't. So you just don't do that. You do do that. If you got, hey, desperate times call for desperate measures when it comes to that. That's okay. My kids have lot. They told me lice. They said use mayonnaise. No, it works. I don't care. I can do it. She said I'll shave their head. No, they got their hair picked out once. Anyway, I'm just saying. This is what we're talking about, right? Like, this is a fight, you submitting.

31:28 But the reason you don't wanna submit is because you're worried that it's not gonna look like you think it should look, right? But it's kinda like what we were talking about earlier, just because you don't like it doesn't mean it's not true, right? Just because, you know what I mean? Just because you disagree doesn't make it a bad point. Just because you're offended doesn't mean still that it's not true. You know what I mean? So like it's just a flawed way of thinking is all I'm saying if you if you Don't want me to do something You have to express it Right. You can't just assume I know because I don't I know you very well But there's a lot of things you don't tell me until after the fact and then you're pissed at me Right, and I have to pay punishment like what happened over the weekend Right. What happened? literally I was trying to not be in conflict with you and I still ended up being in conflict with you clearly yes right I was just trying to tell you hey look I I can't explain it to you so like just drop it there's nothing to talk about like I couldn't explain it to you I said that I said I can't explain it to you I'll have to show you but I can't right now so just drop it right and then you took that to be I was being mean and I was like no The attack on relationships No It's just I'm just saying

33:02 right like It can be misunderstood it can right and and We don't really fight all that much no, we talk on here like we fight all the time we really don't they don't But in order for to us to avoid some of the conflicts that we have we have to be able to communicate I Have no problem telling you how I feel. I have no problem telling you when you hurt me. Oh, I know None. I know I don't know why you do though. I don't know I just want to eat it. I guess I don't know sometimes. I will tell you how feel you it's my problem is I just don't want to go into conversation sometimes I just don't know. I'm like I don't know why I'm just Sometimes I don't yeah, well, I understand. I understand completely. I think that that's all of us But you know, we got to work through it. Yeah We can't just sit there and eat it and pretend like it's not a problem.

34:11 Yeah, because then it festers and then it festers and that's not worth I I agree with you. I totally understand that that's how we end up in those situations. You know what I mean? And so because then we bring this back up and then we bring how about this one and how about this one? And I agree. Yeah, keeping our seats is a bad deuce. I know it's a bad idea. It really is. And you know, I said we all do it on some level. Yeah, we do. But just because you remember it doesn't mean you have to mention it. You know what I mean? Like I totally understand because you can only go off your past experience, right? We've talked about that before. Like so you come into new relationships with your old relationships in mind, right? That's why we struggle a lot with in the beginning with your past relationships sneaking into our current one. And I haven't even done all those things. But it's like you're kind of Projecting them on to you on to me and I'm projecting them on to you because of what we have experienced right now You can only go off of what you know, right? And so it doesn't that's not okay. That's why we have to communicate right, right? That's why we have to work through these things and be like, okay. Hey, you know what? Here's the thing. I didn't even know it bothered me until you did that or until you said that and it bothers me now and You know what I'm saying? Like, and you can't even identify a thing. There's a hundred and one of them. Yeah.

35:36 You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So like I've said a couple of times, like why am I currently in the position I'm in? It's because I'm not focusing on this. Like back when I back when I was dealing with all the things, all the traumatic things, I just had the next traumatic thing. Yeah. Well, now I don't have any of that. And so it's like, oh, now all these things are still here. I thought we were done with these. You know what I mean? That bag of skeletons, they're still here. I guess I tied them to my ankle and carried them with me everywhere I went and I didn't know it. So the fight looks different for everybody and I think that right now my fight is learning how to... I think what got me where I'm at or where I was, was overextending. Right.

36:27 It's like what pastor Ritchie was talking about about burning at both ends burning the candle at both ends I over committed and I overextended myself To the point that it was unhealthy for me, right? Yeah, I did it and I did it for a long time and so Having done some of the adjustments we have done and stepping back a little bit I'm able to work on myself work on my thinking and things like that and it seems to be working from what I can see But I'm probably not the best judge. Right. I feel like you're doing better. I really do. I mean, I think you feel I feel like you're getting something out every time you come out of counseling. I really do. I feel like you you do work on everything every time.

37:13 Does it work every time in every situation? No. But I feel like you do it on those occasions. You know, I guess being reminded that. Fighting is a full -time job. It is a full -time job. Not gonna lie to you. We never get to get out of the fight. There's never actually a bell. Yeah. Ding, ding. That bell rang when you accepted Christ, and it ain't gonna ring again until he comes back. Absolutely. Right. And now we'll be ready. Yeah, so... I guess everything that we've kind of encompassed, we got a little bit into our personal lives, which, you know, that's bound to happen. when you get into this forum fights a fight. I mean, it's this fight that fight. Okay, so yeah, and you're right. It could look different in different points, right? It looks different at different to different with different people, right? And so who are the who are the people that are going to have the like you're going to end up fighting with the most the people you're closest to? Yeah, absolutely.

38:14 That you spend the most time around? Yeah, which there's only one. As you know, I don't spend time with a lot of other people right, but I'm in a weird place right now like trying to figure out how to reacclimate myself with new knowledge and Come to an understanding of where my place is and what I Feel like God is actually asking me to do Yeah, I think I got into the ministries that I was involved in because I kind of felt pressured in a way Not with kids because that was what something I've always felt called to do right But I felt like my role to change based on pressure, right? And I felt like I honestly felt like the the altar ministry while it was helpful to me again I want you to understand like yeah, it was beneficial to me. It has been beneficial to me. It's helped my prayer life It's helped me be more bold in my prayer life and all that kind of stuff. So please don't understand but I also felt pressured to do it, right? Does that make sense? And so this is a lot of what people have a problem with with church. This is why they don't like church because they feel like they're pressuring you into something. The reality is they're not, but they need you. You know what I mean? That's the truth of it. They're not trying to pressure you into anything, but they desperately need your help. They can't do it without volunteers. It's not possible. No church other than the tiny ones Can get by without

39:46 volunteers, right? You know what i'm saying? They just can't And no church is going to survive is meant to survive without the support of the people in it, right? It's not meant it's designed that way because It's not that how else do they make how else do you? Create revenue true to grow the ministry, right? volunteers, I mean And donation and donations. Yeah, right. I mean people Guess pastor Richie could write books and that could be a part another part revenue stream Yeah, you can do all those things but that's there's no guarantee in that. So how do you keep the house of God open? Yeah, you know, I mean cuz electricity ain't free boys and girls Even for the church the building being free taxes I mean the the land ain't free the building ain't free the plumbing ain't free the electricity ain't free You know what I'm saying? There's got to be money involved. It has to. There's no two ways about it, right? It's true. This ministry being a different because this isn't just a ministry, this is a business. We're establishing it as a business, right? We're not a church.

40:59 We're not trying to replace church. We want to supplement church. We want to be a community. Right a community a small group right that we can share our story you want to spread the living hope of Jesus that's it and we want to share stories and talk about our own experience each other's experiences and Each other's understandings my understanding is different than yours. Yeah, and we're gonna get we're gonna get Pros and cons. Oh, yeah, so we might get you know more. I mean we're gonna get someone criticizing us, but We're gonna take it, we're gonna take it on the chin. That happens all the time. You know, and it's okay. That happens already. I ain't worried about that. So. What do you have to add to the fight? Okay, so I put on here on my little.

41:44 On your notes. My bullet points. You have to let go of parts of your life that you can't fix. Which is the things you can't control you can't control you know like I said I mean we we consider to say all day long that we can You can only can control what you can control. We say it all the time control what you control parts of your life Maybe good. They may be bad, but you can only fix What you're willing to control you can only fix you exactly you know I'm saying can't fix others. You can't nothing. It's you It's all about you. You can only give so much of yourself to so many people. You know what I'm saying?

42:31 Yeah. It only if they're willing to listen. You know, at the end of the day, you still can't control them. No, all you do is control what you give them. Yeah. And if they take what you get, if they take what you want, they're not going to take. They're not going to see something. Most people aren't going to take what you say anyway. No, not really. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, most people won't listen. They do exactly what we talked about earlier. They listen to hear, not to listen. So I heard what you said, and I can repeat what you said, but I'm not listening. I know that's a very strange thought process. There's a movie called White Man Can't Jump. I've only seen it one time. I was probably like 13. Well, I was old. Wesley, shut up. Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson, right?

43:21 Woody Harrelson is a white boy. Wesley Snipes is African American and they're become they're like, you know, they're they're rim runners, right? In street basketball. And anyway, Woody Harrelson, the white boy is listening to a certain soul. Singer song on the radio and he's like man. You can't hear that. He's like not here. It's just fine He's like no, man, you can't hear that right you listen, but you can't hear that You know what I mean is like that's exactly what I'm talking about like Seeking first to understand Means listening slow down hearing. Yeah slow down and listen most of our world today it's all about a fast pace I mean our world is going and going and going on and people slow down that's when people are like you know what what you know I have a mental breakdown what okay okay okay see slow down you know what now we're actually now you're getting it Once we slow down and we actually realize what's going on in the world.

44:39 It's like, okay Now you see it Let's deal with it. Okay, let's deal with this One thing at a time. Yeah, you know, we all have to learn to slow down and deal with this. Yeah, you know We got a fire you have to listen and then you can learn to speak Over your so speak life over ourselves, you know learn that Fighting Looks a whole hell of a lot like practicing the same move a thousand times. Oh, yeah, absolutely, right There's it's a old proverb that says don't fear a man who knows a thousand moves Fear a move and fear a man who knows one move practice a thousand times. Absolutely. That's a good That's good. There's a Japanese or Chinese proverb, but you think about that This is what I'm talking about what we are talking about when we talk about Fighting the good fight and the sword of the spirit You can fight with God's word You can fight the fight with God's word. You can't just be knowers of the word We have to be doers of the word, right? We need to soak that word in and plant it on our hearts So we have it available to us when the attack comes because the attack is coming. It is coming. Yeah There's no two ways about it everybody listen You're going to get hit. You're going to get attacked. The enemy hates you. Be ready. He wants to wear you down.

46:08 If you are even remotely thinking about getting involved, if you're even remotely thinking about joining in relationship with Christ, know that it is glorious, but it takes effort, just like any relationship, this relationship included. We naturally love each other so much, but our relationship Only gets by so far with that. Yeah, we actually have to work at it. We do work at it. Yeah, you know what I mean? And look, we still mess it up. Absolutely. All the time. You know what I mean? But in the grand scheme of things, I look around at other people's relationships and I'm like, I got I got a good I'm good, man.

46:49 And you think about starting over, right? Like I've told you, I've been struggling with that, like that 15 years thing. Yeah. And it's like thinking about what it would look like if I had to start over. I'm not who's gonna put up with me again again They have to learn me and understand, you know what I mean? And I have to learn them and like learn our nuances and our gives and our takes F all that crap, bro. I am winning right now. I am winning. The grass is never greener on the other side. I'm just telling you. Hell no. It's fake if it is. You know what? Astro turf. I'll just water this one on this side and I will make this one over here work a lot better than I can. And she may scalp it. No, I am not.

47:38 Just take a little off the top. A little off the top, including the skin. I might take a little bit more off, but not scalp it. Just a little off. Might take a little off more than I need to, but never scalp it. You understand, right? All of that encircles the whole conversation about going to church, and it's like you can't do it without learning. And you can't do it by learning only on your own. But we have to learn to teach each other. You've got to be able to learn to help each other, teach each other, help each other with the word. If you don't understand the word, ask someone. Let's teach each other, you know? That's why we're a small group. Yeah.

48:20 Ask us. We're the world's biggest small group. And we want to share life with everybody. Absolutely. And everybody's welcome. Everybody. Everybody. Your perspective is welcome. I want it. I'm cool with it. Just come in here with an open mind an open mind, right? Don't come at me attacking me. Yeah, cuz I'm just gonna shut you off Yeah, if you want to come in here and have a legitimate conversation. Yes, that's a I'm okay with that Even if it's an opposing view, I'm cool with that. Absolutely. I'm not right left. I'm right in the middle I want to know like I think a little of both works. Yeah, right. That's what I think I think that I think that Relationship with Christ is worth it man. It is worth and it's so much more than heaven. Oh, yeah heaven is The everlasting right the greatest thing when we get there But when we we have an opportunity this like you want to know why suicide rates so high. Yeah a lack of Christ. Yeah, I Agree I Totally agree Geez mic drop preach it preach it Go ahead you got a joke. I'm sorry. Maybe sorry suck on your suck on your drink over there I am let me see what I got here. Let me get you a joke here Alrighty waste of time I'm not gonna say it never mind go ahead What do you call a belt made of watches

50:00 A belt made of watches is a waste of time, in all the right words too. Waste of time. Very literally. Waste of time. To know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded. To know that you've affected one person's life in a positive way, their life has become easier or better because you, without you it wouldn't have happened, right? That's success. That's what that means. And I feel like that's you. That's what I want to be. And I want, I would love - And hopefully we - Seven billion, eight million. Yeah, yeah. That'd be cool too. That'd be awesome too. Because I think everybody deserves it. I do too. I think it's - Everybody's made in the image of God.

50:47 Everybody is His creation. Everybody deserves - And I feel like - To be in relationship with Him. I feel like our world right now is so damaged that people do, just like you had a conversation with - Someone and it's like is it helping is it is it this is that? What do you think? What do you what do you really think about? What is this? What is that? And you're like, yeah, and they're like, oh I mean to have conversations with people and they're like, you know, I mean cuz I'm gonna lie to you. I mean We were never raised counseling or anything like that. But did that one step for someone To see where you're going through and to reach one person if we reach that one person Hey, you know, yeah, I felt god's Giving us that person, you know, yeah to be reminded that We're meant to commune with each other we're meant to look this this life is uh Life itself is not easier with christ, but you just Understand better your place and you understand better how to how to respond to difficulty You understand but your your rest is in him rather than in what you can and can't do That's a freeing thought.

52:10 You know what I mean? And Look, there's there's only one God who's real You know what? I mean, there's only one God who stands above them all and that is the God right and he stands in the form of three and that's father Yeah, only yeah, he put himself on our level No other God was willing to do that So he put himself on our level was willing to live the perfect life and die the spotless Africa sacrifice so that you could receive him and Boldly come into his presence and have relationship with him not law Yeah relationship Should we follow the law? 100%. We should. Are we going to? Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose.

53:06 But we get relationship with the creator of everything, an opportunity to understand ourselves on a higher level and to eventually be joined with our creator again for all eternity and the peace and perfect and complete peace. Right. That's the whole point. Absolutely. And so we took a roller coaster ride on this one. I don't know about about the middle eight of this conversation. I don't know what purpose it'll serve, but, you know, I actually like whenever we get a little bit real about our relationship, because I want people to see like we're just random people, too. You know what I mean? We are not perfect. I mean, we're still we're still here. We're still fighting the fight and we still have gotten our lives.

53:58 We're always going to have gotten our lives. Fighting the fight sometimes looks like fighting with your spouse and learning to communicate better. You know what I mean? Like, that's what that is. Because you're my person, right? Like, you're my person. You're the person on this earth that I get to experience. Yeah, of course. You're my greatest friend. Like, there's no friends above you, right? There's only one that's above you. That's Christ, that's it. It's God, it's you, and then everything else falls behind that in some random order, you know what I mean, for the most part. So, anyway, you guys join along with us. We'd love to have you. We'd love for you to conversate with us in whatever way you feel comfortable, whether it be in person, on a phone call, on a text message, on an email, every possible way you can think to reach out to us, it's available to you at any given time.

54:52 You can come to our website. That's a good place to start. We love you. We thank you for being here. See you next time. See ya.