Letting Go Without Giving Up!

0:00 He gives us more grace. That is why scripture says, God opposes the proud, but shows favor to the humble. Submit yourselves then to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Hello, everyone. Welcome to bumper sticker wisdom. I am John. I am Terry. Welcome to the new podcast studio small group. That's right. Nice. He did some awesome job. We're going to put some pictures and he worked really hard on this for. It took us a couple of weeks to get this together. Some circumstances change and we weren't able to continue keeping our studio where it was. So we kind of scrambled to figure out what we wanted to do or what we were gonna be able to do. We floated a few ideas. Can you imagine our original idea trying to do that? There's no way. There's no way. We wouldn't have had that done. It wouldn't have fit. It wouldn't have fit. We're still getting used to it. We're trying to figure out where cameras go and how to shoot them. We've always

1:30 kind of gone with it directly in front of us. Now we get the side view. Yeah, yeah, it's a little different. It's a little weird. I'm used to having the camera in front of my face, which is also a timer. So it helps me. It's going to be a little different for sure. But, you know, we're proud to be continuing to do it. We're proud of this space that we've created. We're pretty well complete, minus I'm building some sound paneling. To help absorb echo. I can kind of hear echo in my ears right now Which you know me. I'm a very much a stickler about that. I like quality sound. Yeah, it's kind of one of the things when I first started like that was my To me that was the one way that we could stand out yeah, you know and so like if you take it seriously and and Put the effort into making the sound right. I want radio quality, you know, I want the voices to be crisp I don't want echo and feed. So, you know, there's some things to make that better. But in the grand scheme of things, it's a cool little room. It's a little tighter. It is a little tighter than we're used to. It wouldn't be as bad if we were sitting on ends, end to end, but it would, I still don't think it would work as well that way. You know.

2:56 I don't think it would. I'm happy with it. I'm glad we're here. We'll do some snapshots of the room whenever we get complete and share it on socials. Other than that, we will say a quick prayer and we'll get started. Heavenly Father, we thank you as always for giving us this time, this opportunity. Father, we thank you for providing a space for us to do it. We also want to just take a minute to lift up anybody who's taking the opportunity to listen to us right now to That we just give them something father that you flow through us and out of us into into the air so that people can hear something that Just motivates them to get to know you better to want to draw near to you father God because we know That if we draw near to you father you will draw draw near to us We know that you've never left us and you've never forsaken us. You're always there just waiting right for us father God We love you, we thank you for your goodness, your mercy, and your grace, and it's in Jesus' name we pray. Amen. So anyway, it's been a couple weeks. So one week we tore this room apart, which was essentially an extension of our kitchen.

4:13 It was storage for... stuff, you know, a pantry and things like that. We made some serious adjustments to that. We had a freezer in here. It's a little strange. Our freezer is now in the laundry room and our pantry is now a closet in the hallway and, and all that kind of stuff. But it seems to be working out just fine. It's a little bit of getting used to adjustment. The space for me is a little bit odd. Like I feel weird. I'm used to, I've been doing it in that place. I've been sitting in the same spot. Everything in the same position for the last year and a half almost and so I'm a little bit out of sorts right now I feel a little weird But again proud to be here proud of what God is doing and allowing us to be here And I don't plan on letting it go. I feel like this is part of what God has called me to do and That's why we're here. We just want to help people and dogs are not gonna be very happy, but yeah No, they got to get stuck outside while we do this Cause they would raise hell. Oh man. Uh, I, we, you know, when we first started, me and Jason Beltray would sit in there with us. He would sit under the table. It was one, three big boys too. Not even little boys.

5:25 We do good. It's Pudge. I worry about. He's very vocal. He's very, very vocal. He likes to just, I mean, yes. So annoying. Be nice to him, he's a good boy. I found it, it's really been interesting with this, and it's funny because I had no idea that that was on the cover of that. That's how we started Bible Roulette, that's what that is. They've been in a sermon series at church the last three weeks on rest. And the scripture that's on this is Exodus 33, 14, my presence will go with you and I will give you rest. That's why I caught my attention a minute ago. I had no idea that was there. And it's more rest in like, yes it's rest and like slow down, stop burning the candle at both ends, but it's also rest assured, right? Rest in confidence, right? Confidence in that God's got you. And it's been really an interesting, process to think about and then you know, I've been doing some things differently recently and I'm kind of starting I'm gonna I'm still not gonna serve Permanently, I'm like I thought that you were talking to Tory. Did you tell her? Yeah, I'm still taking this month off Speaking of which I have something to tell you but I have to work this Sunday because One of

7:00 the other teachers is leaving town, so he can't be there. They're going to a wedding or something, so good for him. I've told him numerous times he needs to take some time off. Good job, Bruxy. Yeah, so. But you know who else is going to fill in? But anyway, it's just more thinking about like. For me, I've been praying a lot about my place. And what I'm doing and. I've become very overwhelmed with Responsibility and I feel very responsible to things like I have a innate nature about me about that. Yeah About feeling like you're doing so good And I was so proud on Sunday that one kid that we talked about over he came over and said hey That's cuz I waved at him and told him get over here. Oh you did I was excited now, you know, we're talk to his parents and I said hey You got great kids, you know, yeah, you know them getting into the bible especially this one I said he is going to be a great young man I can see it already that he is going to be and you could tell the dad was kind of like I'm a very bold person in any way. I'm just like hey, you know, you definitely are that So to pull people out of their comfort zones, it's you know, it's just it's people are just like don't know how to take other people that are like that, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. I think my biggest issue is like I just don't want to like there's a couple of things that are my

8:31 problem psychologically and emotionally or like I feel responsible to people, right? And I feel responsible because I feel like other people won't feel the gap. So I feel like I have to feel the gap. And then there's this idea of not wanting like not wanting to let people down. Because and then there and that's all stems from one issue that issue being Having always felt like my presence was unnecessary or like not wanted and so I try to make myself valuable. Does that make sense? I know that's a little strange, but I try to make myself Valuable because then people require and want your presence. Does that make sense? I think that's what I've been struggling through for a long time It's something that goes all the way back to when I was a kid and it's something I've been working through.

9:20 It's kind of like someone was telling me today or on Sunday about um surrendering. Yeah. And I was like, it's not the easiest thing to do. I was like, so I'm praying for that. And I said, you're going to pray some harder. Oh, that's right. We have to talk about that. This will come out after the surgery happens, but you're having your surgery this coming Monday. And that means a lot. Let's talk through that. Talk to me about it. It means that she's worried about it getting done right. If anybody watched the episode a couple of weeks ago, I'm just joking. I'm just joking. So, yeah, so. So and she did she everything just to the point to the P dotted eyes, teeth. And I was just like, OK, yes, ma 'am. I said so because I told her about, you know, having surgery and You know, she was, did you, were you calling me about the two, the Thursday thing? I was like, no, I was just, just reaching this to check on YouTube. And she's like, no.

10:22 Oh yeah. And she's like, well, God told me that you're needing something. What are you getting? As I'm having surgery and she's like, Hey, what are you needing? What do you need prayers for? I was like, and she, I didn't have to say that she was surrendering. I'm like, Oh, I just went. Maybe you know you want to talk about a person that like it's such a great like outward example My hand just did not want to grab that I think I got a little moist. It's a little moist a Person who gives off an example of like this is what it looks like when the Holy Spirit speaks through you and to you You know what I mean? Like she is Yeah, it's so cool to watch. She is amazing.

11:07 Just so just and the only way that that makes sense, is it's like she says things to you that there's no way, there's no way she would know that. And she doesn't actually know, it's just what she hears. And when they say hear, it's not like an audible voice, it's just like it's the word that comes into your mind in that moment and things like that. It's like the reason I started the podcast today with the James chapter four verse eight, it's draw near to me and I will draw near to you. All day yesterday well up before you know the last few weeks up before we start worship I would get the Bible and I'll just kind of scan through I just open it and start scanning And whatever I'm drawn to I will read through it right and then it seems Uncanny how God will speak that into right whatever's coming at me. Yeah, and that's all I could hear yesterday It's about surrender drawn near to me. Yeah, trust me. Let me love you Love you.

12:08 I got you. I'm not gonna let you down. Yeah, and I think that that's the hardest thing for people Yeah, because we've the examples we've been given our whole lives Have let us down. Yeah, you know, I mean it's like a solid lady today when I went to do my pre -op First I've ever had, you know, I've never had anything I'm off because I had a two wool, but that's not like, you know But it's like this is the first surgery and I'm not nervous about it You know, it's the aftermath that you're concerned about. Yes, you can have someone to help you Yes. I'm going to have someone help me. Well, apparently you don't need me. Well, and people are like, yes, when you're, when you have that, they have a dead in your muscle nerve block. They say that's very painful to come back from. Like when it starts coming back, it's shocking. Yeah. Okay.

12:53 So I had a nerve block when I did my elbow. Well, not my elbow, but bicep tendon in my elbow. So when I came home, I could feel this part, but from here to here, It was dead. It was the weirdest feeling, especially on my neck, because it made it feel like it was spreading into my throat and like I couldn't swallow. So it was kind of strange in that way, but it. It's very strange coming back because it just kind of starts to tingle. I'm sorry. I've had tingling for the last three months. This is like, right. But it's, it's shocking at first whenever, whenever the scent, it took a few days for that to come back. Remember? That was strange. And I've never had surgery either. That was my first time to ever have any kind of surgery. So yeah, it's gonna be weird. And I think that the interesting thing that's gonna be to me, I'm curious to see how you feel after the fact. I think your hands and stuff are gonna feel fine, but your neck's gonna be in pain. You're gonna wear a neck brace, dude.

13:59 That is the worst. Have you ever had a neck brace? No. Okay. No, I have to have one. I have to wear a hard one and a soft one. Soft one when you're at home. I just sleep in a soft one. That's going to be weird too. At first you're going to feel claustrophobic. It's going to feel like you're choking. You know what I mean? You're going to feel like that. She asked me today, she says, do you snore? And I'm like, what? How do you know if you snore? I don't know. I can tell you. I was like, well, my husband says I snore, but I don't know. Sometimes I can, I don't know. Sometimes I get up with a sore throat. Maybe, I don't know. No, you don't snore like that. I mean, I told her, I said, I don't, do you know if you snore? Cause I was like, is that a real question? Most people who do snore don't think they snore. I mean, I'm like, maybe, no, I don't, I don't know. I mean, this question she was asking me, I was like, How are you supposed to know?

14:53 I'm asleep. I'm basically dead. What are you talking about? Well, I would tell you, you snore lightly most of the time. There's occasions where it gets a little heavier than others, but it's based on the way you're laying. If you're laying on your, I don't think you're bad on your back. It's more like in certain ways when you're on your side. But I don't think, you don't snore like I snore. Very few do ask your children. It's like It sounds like somebody's tearing the house down I'm not gonna lie to you and Laura said we will never room with you again. I'm not quiet. She was Your husband I did not sleep.

15:40 I was like, oh, I guess I'm just so used to it I mean, you know, especially when you drink it's like you don't I'm like That was a long time ago. I have a CPAP now. Yes. That was weird at first, too, though. Oh, but your CPAP was driving me nuts. I'd have to touch it. When? Last night, it was like... Oh, I got a little whistle? Yes, and I was like, oh my god. It's funny because when I touch it, it stops. I clean my face. I wipe it every single day, every single night, but it's when my hair starts growing out, because it's only from here to here. Yeah, it doesn't go below my chin. So this don't matter It's from here to here Yeah, and so like when this starts to grow out it like creates little it's cuz those hairs are harder Well, and they're prickly. I put that thing on my face so tight. Sometimes it makes me uncomfortable It's like, you know what I mean smashing into my it's like when your mom did your hair Yeah, yeah But I, you know, that's, I don't think that's right either. You wake up and you got fricking strap marks in your face. Like, you know what's funny? I can tell people that wear CPAPs now. Cause I like, I saw somebody walking through church yesterday morning and it was like big, big streaks across their face. That's a CPAP mask. 100 % without question.

17:07 Oh my goodness. Yes. But yeah, so the the whole point of surrender like I think that's an interesting topic because and we've talked about it numerous times And I think it's something that you will continually work. You have to work at yeah and for you You're such a doer. Mm -hmm, right? This is gonna be very difficult for you. It is especially that first couple of weeks and Today I said I'm gonna let you know you better get used to this because I'm not gonna be able to lift I mean I'm not gonna be able to been over a whole lot. I mean, I'm not going to be able to like, I'm, I'm not going to be able to carry a tray of food. I mean, it's going, you know, that's, that's it. I'm not going to be able to help you wrap babies up. I'm not going to be able to help you do any of this for at least a month. Yeah. So it's going to be hard for you. That part. That's the part that concerns me. That's the part I'm stressed about. It's not the surgery itself.

18:00 That doesn't bother me. I, I fully trust in the hands. I'm telling you right now, I'm getting one. I'm telling you, one. I've seen people numerous, I've had like five, and I'm like, no. No, people have back soldiers, I'm three, no. No, I'm, no. No, I'm not, no, no, no. Hopefully this will be enough. One, and I'm gonna make do of it. You want me to do that? Okay. Are they doing the continental at the same time? Yes. So you're getting both surgeries at the same time? Both surgeries at the same time. So on one hand? Yes, the one hand. The left hand? Yes, this one. I don't know why you wouldn't have done your bowling hand. Why? Nope. It's my bowling hand and my jigger head. I probably won't go back to get this one done. I'll just do this and I'll be fine. Why? I'm good. Why not? This is the one that hurts anyway. This is the one that... That hurts from... I mean, I'm sure it has something to do with carpal tunnel, but a lot more of it has to do with your neck. Yeah. This is the one that hurts the most. This is the one that tingles the worst. This is the one that... I probably should do this one, but... You're good. She said, I'm good. But yeah, the idea of surrender, like it's any concept that you can think of in the Christian walk, you're going to repeat it. Many,

19:32 many, many, many, many, many, many times. So, you know, I've been playing around with chat GPT, right? Yeah. So I took a lot. 15 years. I know I took 15 years worth of things that I've written from poetry to academics to. Stories, whatever all the stuff I wrote and I shared it with him. It makes me laugh because he has been in conversations with chat GPT. That's me. You don't talk to me. I do, but I don't talk to you like that, but it's funny. It's weird. It's the weirdest thing. But it's funny because I'm sitting over there just, I'm looking at my phone and I'm like, he's like, hmm, mm -hmm, mm -hmm, mm -hmm, mm -hmm, mm -hmm, mm -hmm, mm -hmm, mm -hmm, mm -hmm. Well, it's talking about me. I know, but it's funny. It's weird. Because you're just like, yep, yep, that's me, yep, babe, babe, and I'm like, what? Yes. I'm just like, now what?

20:33 And some of it is interesting. Well, I'll leave it alone. No, but it's funny because you were just so intrigued. Like it just, it's like a little kid. You're like, babe. And I'm like, and some of it is interesting. I'm like, well, okay. So think about it like this though. It's like new technology, right? So it's just like a new thing in life. Like I've never, I've stayed away from AI completely up until like the last three months. You know what I mean? I never touched it. Don't play with it. Nothing. Right. But at the end of the day, it is a tool that is available to us. And like in order for me to grow a business, you have because you are very, very non did not want to touch it. I had an interesting conversation with it that made me change my perspective. It's about how you use it just like anything else.

21:18 Right. Right. Snapchat's not bad. It's how you use it. Facebook's not bad. Instagram's not bad. those things are not inherently bad it's the user that makes it bad absolutely and so that's what caused me to change my mind it's like okay yeah it's a tool available how foolish would i be to not use the right no i totally i totally get what you're saying yes that's what caused me to start playing with it more and i'm not even just playing it's not just a game i'm not just having fun with it i'm talking to it about our ministry about how to grow and start business and like what are avenues that we can take it and we'll tell them our new goals and right here that I this was things that we came up with through I came up with through chat GPT so these are our top five goals number one is glorify Christ that's number one yes God first number one absolutely love people yes absolutely speak the truth absolutely build a legacy That's what we're trying to build legacy. And remain faithful in everything that we do. Be faithful to everything that God's trying to steward through us. And so yeah, I've been trying, I've been using it. And so part of me is like, okay, these things that I have written are intellectual properties. I don't share it with people. I'm scared to death of that. It knows things that very few people do. It has so much information that it can garner from all over the world, all throughout history. Nobody else has but he even gave you a compliment about

22:49 hey Speaking you as a third person That was one of my favorite ones What was it when you when he said when you talked about it? Well, hey, don't don't finish it off. Hey get back on there Oh, yeah. Yeah the way I write it was talking about how I write it's very interesting and like One of the things it said which is true. Yeah, it's like as I'm writing. It's like your thoughts are coming out as you're writing it It's like a very interesting way of writing, it's like you're speaking to somebody, and that's how I intend to write. When I write, that's how I write, is because I want you to feel like I'm talking to you, and that you're engaged in the conversation, right? And I will be, like... As I write down this part where I'm like, okay, you're right.

23:36 I'm ranting. Sorry, I need to back the back up, john, slow down. I write that in what I'm writing, which is awesome, because I thought I thought that was funny. But for you to do that, and for you to say, Hey, well, I like the way you write, because it was like, well, the way you just talk to yourself, you know, it's weird. No, but it was talking about you. But it gave you compliments, right? So one of the things that it said, though, and it's the thing that we're talking about when I was talking about how we're going to go through this walk and we're going to face similar things over and over again. It doesn't mean you're starting from square one, though. That's what I was trying to say. So like you may face this issue of surrender repetitively. Right. But you face it from a different point of view every single time. Right. So community is one for me. Right. I've been writing about it for 15 years. Yes. Right. And talking about it and the way that it described just from reading from 2011 to 2026, like, okay, here's the arc.

24:36 Let me point out the pattern. Let me show you what this looks like. And it's like, look, this is one thing, and then this is what it sounds like today. It's completely different. That's growth. We don't recognize our growth in the midst of it. So it was crazy to have this tool. Explain that to me or express that to me because it's like I've said many times like yeah I'm not where I'm supposed to be but I'm a hell of a lot further than where I was Yes, but I can't fathom that in my head. Like I can't I still feel like I'm at square one When it comes to community when we always think of ourselves that way. Anyway, we don't always think we we We want to be here, but we don't think we're we want to be at the destination not in the not in the journey Right, right because I think you've came.

25:22 I think you've come a long ways compared to where you used to be sure sure i do too in ways in ways as a follower of christ there are things that i've been dealing with from the beginning that i haven't come past yet but there are a lot of things that aren't really an issue anymore a lot do i still get angry yeah but not as much as i used to right you don't know that you don't know the john from when I was 21. I know that's what Crystal tells me all the time. You don't know that person. You know bits and pieces of him, very small portions. You've seen it in small doses, but I've, and that's what scared me originally.

26:06 That's what made me say, I feel like I need help because I started feeling like I was going back to that place, right? I haven't been there in years and years and years again. Well, my Temperament flash sure of course But it was starting to get to be much more Common and that scared me. Yeah, because I felt like I feel like I'm going backwards and that's the last thing I can allow right, right If we're not going forward then we're not moving right, you know what I mean? So I don't want to be going backwards. I'd rather stand still if that's the case exactly. Yeah But staying still is not always good either, you know, I think Can I ask you a question? What is it about surrendering that's bothering you so much? I don't know. I don't know. Because can I tell you from the outside looking in how that, what that says? It says like you don't trust the people around you. You know, it's so funny because I do trust the people around me. Yeah, I do trust the people around me And again, I'm not saying you don't I'm just saying that that's what that projects whenever you say yeah, I can't I can't let that I can't let go because What was the reason is like playing our baggage down, right?

27:28 You know, it's for hard me. It's just still I can lay it down. Oh But you got a string and you're still dragging it You know just just making sure it's still there, you know Still looking back, okay, it's still there. Okay, still got it. Is that not all of us? Is that, you know, so it's not like it's like, do I trust that God has me? Do I, do I know that the, you know, the surgeon that he's going to cut on me is the best surgeon ever? Yes. I believe that, you know, everybody's praying. I mean, it's going to do I, yes, I believe in all of that. Yeah. I believe this is going to go great. But for me to sit on that couch and there, to do nothing, that bothers me. For me to do nothing and be lazy, that's my biggest thing. I just... Okay, so it can't be nothing, because that's worse for you.

28:22 We just have to find out what the boundaries are. True. And set the boundaries and follow the boundaries. That's the whole deal. It's not don't do a damn thing. It's... Don't do this, that, and the other, right? There's things that you can't, absolutely cannot do. I know I can't bend over for two weeks. I know I can't. Well, how the hell are you gonna take a crap? Well, I mean, I know that I can sit down. I just can't like seriously like bend over and tie my shoes. I can't. For two weeks. Two weeks. I cannot do that. We all had to go get you some new slip -ons. Hard dog destroyed them. Yes. Jerk face and my wallet. Yes. He only destroyed a few things in my mind. Nothing serious. I can't bend over at all. I can't like my head cannot be. Yeah.

29:05 You can't let the weight put. Okay. I understand that for two weeks. I can't do that at all. I can't bend over. That's what I understood for that. I can't bend over to that. Well, so the good news is post surgery, I'll be with you. Mm -hmm, and yeah, I will take all the instructions Yeah, she's someone come with you. I was like give me my husband you give him all the instructions I will make sure you follow the instructions my medicine and she's she was asking me. What is this for and I was like What's that one word don't ask for that one is either Personal moment, I'm not gonna she's asked me what all these medicines are I can't be that old person it's my medicine with all the bottles i can't i've seen that so many times do that yeah i just took pictures of it here's my medicine and says yeah yeah well the reason i asked the question though is because it's not just a problem for you it's a problem for all of us right and so you're i'm kind of Unfortunately, I'm kind of throwing you under the bus and making you answer a question that you can't really answer. And I'm stating something that sounds like I'm accusing you of something.

30:19 I'm not accusing you of anything. I do understand, but what I'm trying to do is like, okay, how can we relate that to our relationship with God? How do we rest? Surrender. Mean definitely our message was so awesome Sunday. It was it was so good, you know, it was I was so engaged But you know what's crazy. This is one of the weird times in my life. I can't remember anything I mean, it's weird. That's never happens. But it was it was such a good message. It really honestly really was it was It was nice it was great, but normally I'm such a mental note -taker I normally have bits and pieces that I remember. All gone.

31:08 And maybe I just committed it to heart and leave it at that, but being able to enter into his rest, being able to surrender to him, to surrender to his plan, right? That's like your Bible roulette, you know what I mean? It's like, trust in the Lord with all your heart. Don't lean on your own understanding. In all your ways, submit to him. That's a surrender is submit, and he will. Make your past straight. Yeah, right. It's Easy to say. Yeah, it's a hell of a lot harder to apply. Yeah No, absolutely. You know, it's just it's harder to do things The right way because you want to always you want to do everything the right way. I want to do things the wrong way Yeah, but to do them the right way. It's so harder to you know I think that and having spent, you know, this will actually have a a session with my counselor tomorrow. I was wondering when that was coming up. Yeah, it's two weeks.

32:12 The thing that I'm really recognizing is the thing that helps me. I don't know what helps everybody else. It's just being challenged to think about it in a different way. It's like, why does that bother you so much? Why are you feeling that way? Why? That's a challenging stinking question Because there are things going on inside of my head that I've been doing for decades Yeah You know for years and years and years and guess what that's that baggage. It's comfortable So we get comfortable in our dysfunction right and so it feels easier to deal with the Chaos than it does to deal with life when it's not chaotic right right. It's like I Finally got to a place where I'm like Wow There's no one else for me to mess with or focus on except for myself That's to be in your own mind. That's a scary It's a scary place man. It's a it's a minefield of BS man. Let me tell you it cut there Literally if we can make people to understand how to take thoughts captive And look, you have to vocalize it. You can't just think it. That's the weirdest thing for people. It's like talking to yourself, but it's not quite talking to yourself. It's talking to the thought. When that thought comes in your head about the thing that takes you down the rabbit hole, right? Let me try to think of

33:44 an example. Okay, this happens in couples all the time. You don't answer the phone for numerous times. or don't answer a text message. Yeah. What's going on? Are you okay? Right. And so your death, the thought that comes into your mind, it's innocent in a way. Yeah, because there's concern. It's like, but you go, Well, maybe she's mad at me. Or maybe he's mad at me. Or are you hearing ambulance? You're like, Oh, right. You know, or I'm gonna go to the bar with some friends. You know what I'm saying? And you've been gone an extended period of time. It's like, okay.

34:27 You know what I mean? You can't just dwell in the thought you have to go. Wait, hold on. Take your mind captive. Number one. If she does that, that's on her. Or if he does that, that's on them. And that's not something I can control. Right. But. Do I love this person? Do I trust this person? Because if I do shut up up, you know what I'm saying? That's that's. And you have to say it you got to keep telling yourself you have to remind yourself, you know, you're you got to tell your mind self, you know The devil's just putting those things into your brain Yeah, because all he wants you to do is just like he wants to put evil thoughts into your head 100 % Yeah, he wants to make you doubt he wants to make you not just doubt God doubt the people around you doubt the things that are sacred Yeah, and sanctified. Yeah, you know, there's nothing in my life that's more precious to me than my relationship with you and my marriage, right? And because of my own self -doubt and my own history, I'm terrified all the time that it's gonna break apart. You know what I mean?

35:43 Now that's not your fault. There's nothing that you've done to make me feel that way. But it doesn't stop me from feeling that way. It's my job to go, hey, that's not who she is. She hasn't ever showed you that. She's never showed you. Well, one time maybe. I found a sock in the driveway and it was over some stupid. That's the worst part. But anyway, that's beside the point. That was the what maybe. Ten years ago at least eleven years ago. This is a home to blended families. It's hard. Oh, yeah blended families guys Just be patient with each other. It's gonna be okay It's hard. It is hard But it's worth it if you can make it But I'm just saying I'm so all of the reasons that I doubt Has nothing to do with anything that's happened between us. It's from things that happened in my past So there that is that fishing line that I keep I hold on to that baggage. Oh, there it is. I still see it Yeah, still there that could happen again. I need to protect myself, right? Right. That's all that is. Yeah, right and That's in a way is just not trusting I have to trust you It's no different than with God. I have to trust God Life gets hard. It does get hard and we didn't we don't go back we We don't go back to trusting, you know, yeah, what's your first instinct? To

37:15 guard yourself to just take what you needed captives and hold it But we just gotta learn to stop and trust God because God knows the plan he has for us Yeah, just have to trust God that he knows what's best for us. We all have a natural instinct to survive. Yep, right fight or flight right it's it's it's fight or run yep right it's funny just bringing that up because the chat gpt monster said that i definitely have a strong fight reflex yeah dude yes you do not me i'm not of a flight person the crazy thing is is it's it's interesting because it only knows the things that we've talked about right so it doesn't know that in my this is why i think people really are uncomfortable with me because I know me well enough to know that if I stick around in a situation, I will fight, so I just fly. I just leave. That's why I'm like, I gotta go. You know what I'm saying?

38:15 I'm quick to pull the plug because I can be vicious, man, and I don't wanna be that person. So I will just leave. I won't even say a word. I'll tell you because I love you, and I'm like, okay, I gotta go. I'll come back and get you but I'm leaving yeah, that's happened what many times Actually happened Where I said I gotta go and meet you leave me there I've only left. I don't think I've ever left you okay I'm just saying I would but you won't let me no I would never just like okay. Come on. Give me God I'll text you when I'm ready. That's like you But then, you know what would happen? I'd be over there stewing in my head. You know what I mean? I'd be like, she just stayed behind me and me and her over there talking trash about, she'd say, talking trash about me too. I guarantee it, right?

39:13 And think about it. Like you were talking about, you were talking about your friend a couple of weeks ago, like at the bar, and she went and sat in the car and he stayed in there and had like three or four more drinks and it's like. I would never. No. No. You're tired. Ready to go home. Let's go. Give me a couple minutes to tell my bye -bye. It might be 30 minutes, but I'm gonna tell my bye. Oh yeah, bye's are tough with you. Okay, okay, bye. See you later. You'll say bye to the same person like 18 times. But you gotta think about it. Like that's just the way that is, man. And it's, I think that the identification here is like, okay, so how do we trust not only in God, how do we trust in each other? Right, how do we trust in people because in this position that you're fixing to be in You have to rely on people. It's all about communication. It's all about how Yeah, the things I want and I have been doing better about hey, can you help me with this? But how many times have I had to get on to you about 300 pounds of freaking okay. I made a new rule That look that trash can 50 gallon trash. Listen 55 gallon trash can full to the rim with grass But it wasn't wet. It was probably, it was probably 150 pounds.

40:31 It was not 150 pounds. It was not 150 pounds. I lived it with my, with the great, how they teach you to lift it. Bend. And up. It was 150 pounds. Okay. And you're not willing to lift that at the gym, so don't do it outside. This is my money. We're talking about. But you have a partner. That's that's my thing. That's the only it's like, dude, I'm right here. That's true. All you got to do is say I'll help or just wait a second. I'd like two strips and I'll get this. No, it's funny. Life is interesting. It is interesting. It's a. It's fun, as challenging as it is. There's a level of satisfaction that comes with learning and growing. And learning each other, you know? Yeah. I mean, think about that. We've been together for 15 years, we're going on 16 years, and we still don't know everything.

41:39 Absolutely not. We still run into situations where we don't respond right. You know what I mean? Right. I guess the thing is, dual submission is hard. Yep. learning how to surrender to each other, to God, to the world is hard. I mean, I get it. I understand. It's hard. It's fricking hard to just not, you know what I mean? Especially when you're so used to relying on yourself. It's hard to not all of a sudden. Now I'm not gonna rely on me. I've been the only person I could trust for years. And it's crazy to me that like, you know, there was the joke about last week about going back to my ex if you divorce me.

42:30 Because you will be my ex so I'm going wherever you go. That to me is like, that's real. You know what I mean? Like I don't care what happens. I really don't. I'm not saying that like if something crazy happened, I wouldn't be heartbroken over it or whatever. But I'm not going anywhere. I refuse. Yeah. I've been through enough tough stuff in life to let, like, how much harder can it get? Right. I mean, and I say that, don't let, Lord, don't challenge me. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not saying it like that, but I'm just saying, like, I've been through a lot of challenging things in life. I've had a counselor and a pastor both look at me in my face and go, man, it's amazing you're still here. I know.

43:13 You know what I'm saying? Like, Come on guys, like when I say that I've been through some things, I've been through some things, okay? I'm not lying to you. I'm not lying to you. Now, is my story worse than anybody else's? No, everybody's got things, you know what I mean? But it's... I love our relationship and I love what has happened through our relationship. It's been reciprocal, it's gone both ways. I've helped you and you've helped me and that's what you want in a relationship, right? It's like... You want mutual love mutual respect and look every now and again? The evidence of love isn't this obvious and every now and again the evidence of respect isn't as obvious things fall apart sometimes Bad things happen attitudes happen tough Outer worlds leak into your life You know what I mean like you have friends that you care about and you start You know their drama starts to leak into your life occasionally it happens it happens It happens, but there is nothing That makes me feel like my life would be better with you removed from it. So there's no point in that. I care how bad it gets. It's worth it. It's worth it because I've never grown more in my life. I've never been more satisfied in my relationship. I actually, I just happen to sleep with my best friend. That's the weird thing. You are my best friend. Everything

44:45 that I do, we do to, I mean, don't get me wrong, there are things that I'm interested in that you're not, but it's not all that much. You know what I mean? It's really not. You watch sports with me. I mean, everything's the same. We're the same kind of people. We're just a little bit different in ways. The only thing that's different for me is like, I find certain aspects of history. interesting and things like that. That's it. It's just certain tastes are different, right? I like ranch. You will detest it, right? Or sour cream. Anything white. You eat cream cheese now. Yeah, but that soup I made yesterday.

45:30 Yes, but I didn't see it. You didn't see it. So, but it was in there. You didn't watch it go in, but it was in there. It was in there. It was mixed in and it had good flavor. It did. It did. But you see what I'm saying? It's like, yeah, of course we're different people. So there's going to be things that are not the same. You know what I mean? There's going to be things. Yes, but we're all, we're all different flavors and different kinds. We all bleed the same color. Just telling you. We all bleed the same color and we're all, we're all just different. You know? I'm fortunate in my life. Like, you know, I look back and there's nothing. in my past that I want. Nothing. Nothing. Right. Most of it, you know, I still have my kids, so that doesn't count. If I didn't learn from my past, I wouldn't be where I am today. I wouldn't be the person I am today. Yeah. I wouldn't be where I wouldn't be with you if I didn't learn what I did in my past. Yeah. Well, look, your past is part of what shapes you. Yeah. Right. And that's important to understand, but you can't live there. No, you just you have to learn from it. There's a problem is some people learn Some people don't it's just like those two people, you know, they have the same abusive mom or whatever Oh, yeah.

46:52 Yeah. Yeah, you know, they have that same abusive mom one one followed They did the same thing their mom did one did not. Yeah, so, you know the exact same reason Yeah, I grew up in a bit being abused being an abuser Because she was an abuser and I grew up not being an abuser because she was an abuser same thing with uh, you know It's crazy. Yeah. Yeah, that's true though. Yeah same circumstance different outcome Right, you know, it's just like, you know people say oh Some people talk about people's kids your kids gonna go to prison your kids gonna do this your kids You know what? Let's not speak that let's speak life over this and if it becomes then that's fine But we're not gonna speak death over anything, we're going to try and speak life over things that we need to speak life over. Because that's what's wrong with our world today, because there's not enough of that in our world. Well, it's not enough. There's no positivity anymore. None.

47:52 Right? Not at all. We talked several weeks ago about that woman who... tap me on my shoulder because I was wearing that shirt, right? And it's the first time in my life that something like that's happened. Of course, I'm wearing a billboard saying to do it, but I didn't expect it to happen. It never happened. Something like that doesn't happen, right? But it did. And the thing is, is I noticed my surroundings, right? I noticed what was going on around me. We're in Walmart. Everybody's hateful. Everybody's hateful. We were there last weekend. I did not even go to Walmart. I was already like Me myself included because I was like, I'm walking through my gun. I'm like, I'm going to punch you. I'm going to punch you. I went in yesterday. I went in there to get an extended HDMI cable. It's some, uh, that was called the cord clamp cord clip thing. You still clip cords back. Yeah.

48:50 And yeah, you can feel the vibe. As soon as you walk through the door, it's just, just Evil I'm like no evil, but it was just you can feel the negativity Right, you know woman. That's our job right there. That's what we're supposed to do We're just supposed to be a light in the dark world and I tried it. I'm trying to like smile Okay, goodness, excuse me just a foul look on your face and not a word. I'm like okay yeah okay well excuse you I am really trying to be nice to you and you're making it really hard for me what's funny the other day or a couple of weeks ago we were at the convenience store getting an energy drink or whatever in the morning and that young man came in and you're like Somebody said something, I think the person at the counter said something, and you're like, don't you love it when they respond and he starts chattering back at you. I was like, okay, all right. And he goes, he goes, I'm sorry, good morning. I said, oh, well, good morning. Yeah. Yes. Well, good morning to you. You have a blessed day.

49:50 Yeah, you have a blessed day. He made sure. Yeah, I sure did. You have a blessed day too. And I said, yes, sir, you too. Bless one. But it's interesting how that works, you know what I mean like yes, you know you It's hard sometimes too when we're out here in the world and and you're like You hold the door open for someone or something like that and I'm probably a little too soft -spoken Because I'm sure people don't like I respond a lot of times when I do but it's like I'm a non person like men I mean, I will not have people, you know, I just not you know Well, normally men you know not you know women you want to like smile, you know or whatever and Yeah depends. Yeah not older People you they want to hear vocal, you know, so yeah, it's uh, I I'm a hold the door open for people kind of person I know i've always done that I I and now there's this thing about not doing that like that's a disrespectful and i'm Like let me a little for you. I said what of course, you know me i'm like just because i'm a woman I can't hold the door for you And they're like no i'm like, okay I just want you to know I can hold it all for you, too You know and they're like Okay, just like it's just like a handshake. Yeah, I understand that but that's the thing though

51:21 I was not, that's not how I was taught. Manners for me are that I hold, I wait for you on the front porch every morning. Every morning when we come back from the gym. Because you go and shut the water off for the sprinkler. I wait for you on the porch every morning because I'm waiting for you to go in. Every morning. Without failure. It's a thing. That's just the way in my mind. I'm supposed to be, I'm supposed to follow behind you. Right. Right. He just like me walking on one side or the other. Yeah. You're close. I'm closest to the street. I don't like you. I don't like, I feel uncomfortable when that's like that and I'll move you. I have to, but that's the thing. And then what's everybody needs to stop being so serious about some things.

52:11 Like I understand. Look, Terry, you're one of the most strong people I know period. You are no different than me. Right. You have a power within you that is very valiant and admirable. It is. However, know your role. Know your role. My role is to be a man, right? And that's how I feel. It's not a negative towards women. It's not a negative towards anybody. I'm just being a nice person. Why is that wrong? It's not wrong. And I have a hard time if a woman holds a door open for me It's not because she's a woman. It's just it well I mean it is but it's not that it's a principle matter, right? It's because I'm supposed to hold the door open for you. I'm supposed to let you in first I get it because I am Supposed if something happens from the back, it's gonna happen from your back not from your front I get it right. I don't know. It's just the way it is But it's okay to let someone just like just telling you, you know giving you a compliment I've been working on that. I know but it's okay for us to hold a door over you do I've tried I can't I will say that like if you're on opposite sides of a door Right, like I'm coming towards it. We're both coming in the door at the same time. Mm -hmm, and they haven't opened the door I'll go through but it's like we're both coming

53:42 from the same direction. Yeah, okay I won't. I can't. I can't. I just have to. No, go ahead. It's just the polite thing to do. It's just the polite thing to do. Say something funny. Okay. Here we go. So school is coming back. This is a teacher joke. You redhead. I do. I am. See what's teaching a crash course. See what's teaching a crash course. She was teaching a crash course. She was teaching a crash course, okay. I'm about to say something very sexist. Why did teachers wear helmets to class? She was teaching a crash course. Alright, I guess I could get with that.

54:45 Oscar Wilde. Okay. People are like books. Some deceive you with their cover. Others surprise you with their content. Now what's on the insides? What on the outsides? What's on the insides? That's right. Yeah, some people don't always judge a book by its cover. That's right. Some people present something very nice on the outside, but what's inside is dark and foul. and others are carrying nuggets of wisdom and truth that you choose not to accept because they don't have the right cover, right? So, interesting. It's funny because it's like a guy at the bar, great person, 11, but you would never guess he was a pastor's kid. He could tell you to book from the front to the cover. Ah. His name was Jerry, and he's not gonna lie to you, he could tell you anything. Yeah, 100%, yep. I was just like, because I'm a pastor's kid, and I was like, whoa, okay. Really? All righty, okay, okay. But you know what? Great man though, loved him to death.

56:01 Yeah, he's no longer with us, right? No, sir. That always stinks. It stinks, but you know. By the time This episode hits the airwaves. It will be past your surgery. I'm being a neck brace. Next time y 'all see me, I'm being a neck brace doing podcasts. I'm going to go ahead and just speak life into it. The surgery is going to go fantastic the next time we talk about it. You're going to feel a million times better. It's going to be a hundred percent worth it. God has already ordained it to make you be. not only feel better, but be better. Yes. And, uh, man, we, we just, I just love doing this. I, you know, I do. I love it too. Enjoy it. I know it's, uh, it's not for everybody and that's okay. We do it for everybody. Our goal is to create the world's largest small group, which I guess is not a small group at that point, but we want to have a conversation.

57:06 We wanna have an opportunity to love on people and to pray with people and to come into agreement with them on all different types of topics. We're willing to have any conversation you want. I don't shy away from anything, but I'm not gonna have opinion -based conversations. It's gonna be facts and truth. And man, if you want to, come along with us. We'd love to have you. For Bumper Sticker Wisdom, I'm John. I'm Terry. Welcome to our new studio.