Not Who We Were!

WEBVTT

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So the trouble is not with the law, for it is

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spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for

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I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don't really

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understand myself, for I want to do what is right,

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but I don't do it. Instead, I do what I hate.

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But if I know that what I am doing is wrong,

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this shows that I agree that the law is good.

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So I am not the one doing wrong. It is sin living

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in me that does it. And I know that nothing good

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lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I

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want to do what is right, but I can't. I want

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to do what is good, but I don't. I don't want

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to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But

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if I do what I don't want to do, I am not really

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the one doing wrong. It is sin living in me that

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does it. I have discovered this principle of

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life, that when I want to do what is right, I

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inevitably do what is wrong. I love God's law

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with all my heart, but there is another power

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within me that is at war with my mind. This power

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makes me a slave to the sin that is still within

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me. Oh, what a miserable person I am. Who will

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free me from this life that is dominated by sin

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and death? Thank God the answer is in Jesus Christ

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our Lord. Hello, everyone. Welcome to Bumper

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Sticker Wisdom. I am John. I am Terry. Nice to

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have you again. I'm back. That may have been

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not a good idea. That was a long speech. That

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was long. That took me three tries to get through

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that. It's all right. We got it. We are through

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it. We did it. It's so hard because my mouth

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started watering. You need those little things

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that Pam uses to when she sings, those little

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black things. Those little vocal zone things?

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Yes. Yeah. But anyway, we will say a quick prayer

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and then get started. Heavenly Father, thank

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you for giving us this time and this opportunity.

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Father, we just want to lift up everybody who

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takes the opportunity or takes a chance on us

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today that we give them something today, Father

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God, that we have something that is ordained

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for them right now, for them to hear and then

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to go seek, Father God, because we know that

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what we seek we will find, Father. We also want

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to lift up and thank you for all of the women

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and men who have sacrificed their lives for us.

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in the militaries father just ask that you help

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us to not continue to war against our brothers

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and sisters father god and help us to focus turn

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our focus to our common enemy which is the devil

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we love you father and we thank you and it's

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in jesus name we pray amen amen oh i gotta stop

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touching that thing stop touching it that's what's

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happening so uh this is a little bit of a strange

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the schedule all funky it's a monday morning

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This happens to be Memorial Day. And I worked

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last night, so I am not all focused. I am. It's

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weird because it's just in the morning. You know

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what I mean? That's not the routine here. You

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know, here it's usually, you know, in the evening

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time, kind of winding down the day. You've got

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a lot in your mind. You've had a lot to think

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about all day. Yeah. And today I really don't.

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I'm just kind of starting the day, starting the

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engine cold, trying to get into it. You know,

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the reason that that scripture stood out to me.

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I have a question before you say that. Go ahead.

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How do you find your scriptures? Do they just

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come up or do you just, do you look them up or

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is it just something that you. The ones that

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I start the day with, show with. Usually it's

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something that I either read recently or something

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that's been going on. It's something I've been

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thinking about. I've been rereading Romans, which

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I. I've read Romans many times. Most people who

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listen to this show know that. It's my favorite

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book in the Bible. I knew that. I think it's

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the book that explains everything to me. But

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anyway, struggling with sin, we're so sin conscious,

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right? We're so aware of the things that we're...

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doing wrong, but we don't want to outwardly express

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the things that we're doing wrong to people around

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us. We only want to outwardly express the ways

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that we're doing it right. Like, look at me.

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I serve in the church. Look at me. I'm praying.

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Look at me. I'm reading my Bible. You know what

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I mean? We talked about this last week and, you

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know, outwardly, honestly, like I'm broken, full

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of brokenness. And I, I continually do things

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that I know I'm not supposed to do. You know

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what I mean? It's funny you say that because

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I worked last night and And I cussed, and everybody's

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like, oh, you cussed? I was like, listen to me.

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Dudes, I work in a bar. Yes, I know that. I subber

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every once in a while. And they're like, I never

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thought you cussed. I was like, dudes, just because

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I go to church, I'm just like you. God was never,

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he was with the sinners. Which, I'm not saying

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y 'all are all sinners. I'm not saying that.

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But it's like, I'm just human just like y 'all

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are, guys. I'm just like y 'all are. We're all

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broken and we're all living. I was never perfect

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either. I'm still not perfect. I'm still working

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on me. I'm still doing the things I need to be

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doing. The truth about grace is that it allows

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us the time and the opportunity to grow, right?

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Because God knows it's a race. Yes. He knows

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that it's a run. It's a marathon. It takes many,

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many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many

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steps to get where we need to be. And look, if

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you're measuring your life by where you're not,

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you're never going to get there. Yeah. The only

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person that's judging me is God. You're not judging

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me. You're not judging me. The only person that's

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judging me is God. And when I get there, he's

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going to judge me. Do I know the sins I've made?

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Yes. And I'm trying, you know, I have to learn

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to forgive myself. And that's very hard to do.

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is to learn to forgive yourself. Yeah, I'm pretty

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open about my flaws. You know, Pastor Mark Green

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called me out in church one time because I wore

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a t -shirt. The front said, I'm not the man I'm

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supposed to be, right? The back said, but thank

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God I'm not who I used to be. You know what I

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mean? That's the point. I'm not who I used to

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be. Right, absolutely. Am I perfect? No. Am I

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far better than I was? Absolutely. A hundred

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percent. And so it's, it's about continuing on

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the path and continuing to grow and continuing

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to get better. So, but to answer your question,

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the reason that I pick certain scriptures is

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because it's either something that I read that

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impacted me or something that I was going on

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inside my mind or that I've been thinking about

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or a scripture I've been thinking about. That's

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good though. That's good to know. I always wonder

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how you get it. Cause every time I come in here

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or something, I'm like, yeah, that's how I start.

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But yeah. Well, and I like to have the, the,

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bible open so that if there's something that

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he and i talk about or you and i talk about there's

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a scripture that i want to find i can go get

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it real quick you know what i mean um but yeah

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uh it's interesting man we finally got some rain

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yes good rain it was nice it was nice to sit

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outside and just watch it just pour it was just

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And I wasn't scared of the lightning. I liked

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sitting under something. A little farther back.

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It was nice. It destroyed my allergies the next

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day, I guess. It's just because it stirred stuff

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up. Pushed everything around. I started focusing

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on that sin consciousness. Why? Why can't I be

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better? Why can't I get past this thing? Why

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can't I do better than that? I've talked about

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it numerous, numerous times. Well, if you read

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that book, that whole thing, it explains exactly

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why. Because this thing right here is betraying

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you. Your flesh. You know what I mean? And you're

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trapped inside of it. It's funny because I remember

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when you and Jason talked about it, and it makes

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sense, your flesh. And I was like, that makes

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so much sense now that you leave your flesh behind.

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And it's funny that... We talked about it on

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Sunday about my mom saying ashes, ashes. Someone

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was talking about it's a sin to be cremated.

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And I was like, I don't think so, Mom. So we

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talked about it and haven't really got to talk

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to her about it, but it's going to blow her mind.

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I'm telling you, it's going to blow her mind.

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That stuff is all wrapped up in traditionalism.

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And look, I'm not saying it's right or wrong.

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I will tell you there's another scripture in

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Romans that talks about We talked about this.

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Look, if you've decided that it's a sin, don't

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do it. You know what I mean? But don't convince

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someone else that it is a sin for you, right?

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Because they haven't, you know what I mean? Basically,

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what I feel like Paul was trying to say is every

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little thing is not a law. Every little thing

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in life is not a law. If you don't think it's

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right, don't do it. But don't convince someone

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else to don't do it. Or if you're doing something

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that someone else thinks is sinful or that they

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don't want to do, Don't try to convince them

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to do it. Right. You know what I mean? That's

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like trying to make them trip. Right. You know

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what I'm saying? So I think that's what it's

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trying to talk about is like, look, man, every

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single little action and activity in your life

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is not sin and death. Right. You know what I

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mean? It's if you don't think it's right, then

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don't. Yeah. Because if you're doing something

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that you don't think is right, you're sinning

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against yourself. Right. You know what I mean?

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Absolutely. You're basically convincing yourself

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to do things wrong. Right. You know what I mean?

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There's some room there for people. We're all

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different. You know what I mean? Look, again,

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it's legalism. That's not what we're here for.

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This is relationship. It's not religion. It's

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not all about every single little law and following

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the law. Remember, there is no sacrifice for

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the... sins you've committed if you've already

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received Christ. That's the sacrifice. It's done.

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You can't go back to the old way. You can't go

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slaughter a cow and offer it to God and have

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that pay for your sins. The sin's already been

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paid. And now you're saying Christ's blood isn't

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valuable enough. Right. Why are you so uncomfortable?

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Because you looked at me like I was crazy. I

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was like, I didn't say nothing. You didn't hear

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the conversation, I guess. I wasn't. Talking

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to you. Oh. You gave me the look like I was like.

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It's in the context of the conversation. Right.

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Terry, that's it. Right. I'm pointing a finger

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at you. Oh, OK. I'm saying that you're going

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to devalue God Christ's blood. Right. Say that

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his blood isn't valuable enough to pay for your

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sin. Right. And so because of that, I have to

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go back to an old system to pay for the penalty

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of my sin. Right. Right. And that's why. That

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guy, that gentleman was talking about in Hebrews

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10, 26, that there is no willful sinning, that

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there is no sacrifice. It's not about that. It's

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not about the sin itself. It's about the idea

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that they want to continue to go backwards. Right.

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Instead of looking forward to the cross. Yes.

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And that's the problem is everybody wants to

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go backwards and never forwards. It's just like

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ourselves begin with. Everybody always wants

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to go backwards and never forwards because we're

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scared. And the Bible is very scary anyway. It's

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very good. Well, it can be. Yeah, but you have

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to learn to have faith, the step of faith. Just

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move forward. Is it scary? Yes, but we all have

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to learn to be able to learn to it and learn

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the stuff. You know what I'm saying? We have

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to learn. To love the Bible. I mean, it's just

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something that you have to do. We're saved by

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grace through faith. Yes, absolutely. You have

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to. It's really that. Yes, but don't forget,

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these are, what do you call old people? Boomers.

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They're older people. Well, yeah. And so they,

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like I said, they're. Okay, mind you, I came

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from the Church of Christ. Probably the older

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generation. It's the older generation and my

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mom. And she's getting better. I'm not saying

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she's... Yeah, but that's the thing, though.

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What you're talking about is an indictment on

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the church itself, and that's the problem that

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I've always had with the church. It's like you're

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using it as a tool to... manipulate people into

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your way of thinking yes which is opposed to

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what the bible tells us to do yes you know what

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i'm saying like it doesn't say okay so you my

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bible my word doesn't ever one time not one freaking

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time does it say do not cremate yeah it doesn't

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say that one time right but i'm excited for because

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she does ask questions now well good she does

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ask questions because she says hey you need to

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ask john this and i'm like oh okay Sure, absolutely

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ask John this, because she asks questions now.

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She doesn't assume this anymore. She says, hey,

00:13:46.460 --> 00:13:48.340
I need you to ask John these things. I'm not

00:13:48.340 --> 00:13:50.299
talking about her specifically. I'm just saying

00:13:50.299 --> 00:13:55.779
somebody is taking something that they have come

00:13:55.779 --> 00:13:58.700
to think they understand, and they are manipulating

00:13:58.700 --> 00:14:02.899
it to say that I'm right. I'm right, and I know

00:14:02.899 --> 00:14:05.240
that this God does not want you to cremate. Look,

00:14:05.379 --> 00:14:09.460
if you're trying to tell me, that God cannot

00:14:09.460 --> 00:14:13.860
resurrect a cremated body, you don't know God's

00:14:13.860 --> 00:14:16.700
power. Right. Because now, again. He brought

00:14:16.700 --> 00:14:20.299
dry bones. You know what I'm saying? Remember

00:14:20.299 --> 00:14:23.679
what I said. Anytime what you're hearing is putting

00:14:23.679 --> 00:14:26.299
a limitation on what God can do, it's wrong.

00:14:26.399 --> 00:14:28.360
It's wrong. Absolutely. Because God has no limits.

00:14:28.480 --> 00:14:31.740
He has no limits. None at all. Absolutely not.

00:14:31.820 --> 00:14:33.960
I don't know how to say it any simpler than that.

00:14:34.019 --> 00:14:37.019
I agree with you. I totally agree with you. It's

00:14:37.019 --> 00:14:40.220
just, it's just everybody. I mean, people do

00:14:40.220 --> 00:14:43.340
these things because they know that we're getting

00:14:43.340 --> 00:14:46.340
closer and closer and closer and that's, they

00:14:46.340 --> 00:14:48.580
don't want us to get closer. Yeah. I want us

00:14:48.580 --> 00:14:51.940
to wonder why it's just the arrogance of humanity.

00:14:52.059 --> 00:14:54.139
It's just the arrogance of people, why they feel

00:14:54.139 --> 00:14:57.820
like they have to have something that they can

00:14:57.820 --> 00:15:00.860
be right about. Like they just have to have something

00:15:00.860 --> 00:15:02.779
that they can be like, yeah, I'm right. And you're

00:15:02.779 --> 00:15:04.899
wrong. You know what I mean? Like that's instead

00:15:04.899 --> 00:15:07.879
of having a fluid way of, approaching life, like,

00:15:07.960 --> 00:15:11.620
you know, I don't think I'm right about everything.

00:15:11.799 --> 00:15:15.059
I really don't. I know what I know. You know

00:15:15.059 --> 00:15:18.940
what I mean? But if I'm uncertain, I'm not going

00:15:18.940 --> 00:15:21.679
to stand on something like I know I'm right.

00:15:21.799 --> 00:15:22.940
You know what I mean? When I have questions,

00:15:23.019 --> 00:15:24.200
I always say, hey, I have a question. You're

00:15:24.200 --> 00:15:26.759
like, what's your question? And we talk about

00:15:26.759 --> 00:15:28.899
it. We have conversations about it. You have

00:15:28.899 --> 00:15:31.340
this. And I'm like, okay, well, then, you know.

00:15:31.519 --> 00:15:33.899
And then we'll look it up and we ask, you know.

00:15:34.460 --> 00:15:37.279
We look things up, which I like that about us

00:15:37.279 --> 00:15:40.240
because we do look things up and we talk about

00:15:40.240 --> 00:15:42.960
it, we discuss it. I like those conversations

00:15:42.960 --> 00:15:45.899
that we have, you know. Well, it's how we grow,

00:15:46.100 --> 00:15:50.080
right? And, again, we talk about that sin nature.

00:15:50.299 --> 00:15:53.399
And, like, you were talking about being at the

00:15:53.399 --> 00:15:57.919
bar last night at work and somebody hearing you

00:15:57.919 --> 00:16:01.320
cuss. It's interesting to me because now they're

00:16:01.320 --> 00:16:05.210
like, I wouldn't. They're surprised by that behavior,

00:16:05.350 --> 00:16:09.669
which is a flip as to oppose to a different time

00:16:09.669 --> 00:16:12.149
in your life whenever it was like a surprise

00:16:12.149 --> 00:16:15.659
that you were in church. Exactly. Yes, absolutely.

00:16:15.799 --> 00:16:20.000
So that's 100 % an illustration of the difference

00:16:20.000 --> 00:16:21.519
between the person you were and the person you

00:16:21.519 --> 00:16:24.679
are. Right? You're not who you once were. And

00:16:24.679 --> 00:16:26.820
so while you're not perfect, you are a changed

00:16:26.820 --> 00:16:28.799
person. You're different. You're a new person,

00:16:28.840 --> 00:16:31.820
a new creation, doing new things, trying to follow

00:16:31.820 --> 00:16:33.559
after Christ. And yeah, is there more to do?

00:16:34.159 --> 00:16:37.480
Yes. And it's funny. I told him, I said, I go

00:16:37.480 --> 00:16:41.759
to church and my pastor told me. He goes, Terry's

00:16:41.759 --> 00:16:44.200
the only person I've known that can go to church

00:16:44.200 --> 00:16:48.320
and invite someone to our church. Go to church?

00:16:48.960 --> 00:16:53.059
Go to a bar and invite someone to church. And

00:16:53.059 --> 00:16:55.779
I said, yes. And this person still goes to church.

00:16:56.639 --> 00:16:58.220
And I said, you know what? I'll go anywhere.

00:16:58.419 --> 00:17:01.340
I can go anywhere. I don't care where it's at

00:17:01.340 --> 00:17:03.759
and invite someone to church. I don't care where

00:17:03.759 --> 00:17:05.940
it's at. I can be in a bathroom and invite someone

00:17:05.940 --> 00:17:09.400
to church. I can go anywhere. I'm just that person.

00:17:09.579 --> 00:17:12.559
Yeah. I invite anybody to church. I can talk

00:17:12.559 --> 00:17:17.019
to a brick wall. I am my mother's child. My mom

00:17:17.019 --> 00:17:19.240
can talk to anybody. Yeah, you can. You know?

00:17:19.519 --> 00:17:21.960
But it's okay, you know? And even if they don't

00:17:21.960 --> 00:17:25.779
go, I'm going to plant that seed where it needs

00:17:25.779 --> 00:17:28.019
to be planted. And every time I see you, I'm

00:17:28.019 --> 00:17:31.000
going to be like, hey. Yeah. How are things going?

00:17:32.259 --> 00:17:35.400
How's life? How's this? Because, you know, when

00:17:35.400 --> 00:17:38.319
they see me again, they're going to go, oh, that's

00:17:38.319 --> 00:17:41.460
that lady. He prayed over me or that's that lady

00:17:41.460 --> 00:17:45.160
that, you know. Yeah. That's that lady. Yeah.

00:17:46.299 --> 00:17:49.359
I don't. I'm not the kind of person that has

00:17:49.359 --> 00:17:53.960
that kind of. I don't stand. I don't think I

00:17:53.960 --> 00:17:57.819
stand out to people. Yes, you do. You stand out.

00:17:57.859 --> 00:18:01.019
Not in that way. You stand out, but not like

00:18:01.019 --> 00:18:03.720
that. You know what I'm saying? You know what

00:18:03.720 --> 00:18:06.079
I'm saying? You stand out. You're a bold person

00:18:06.079 --> 00:18:10.119
to me. You're a very bold person. I'm that very,

00:18:10.299 --> 00:18:13.259
like, chatty person. Like, you know, I'm chatting.

00:18:14.539 --> 00:18:16.380
Don't discredit yourself. I think it takes a

00:18:16.380 --> 00:18:19.140
lot of boldness to, regardless of your situation,

00:18:19.319 --> 00:18:20.799
be like, oh, you should come to church. You know

00:18:20.799 --> 00:18:24.650
what I mean? Like, and, you know. You're probably

00:18:24.650 --> 00:18:26.289
going to get a lot of no's before you get any

00:18:26.289 --> 00:18:29.029
yes's. I'm okay with that. Yeah, I know. See,

00:18:29.130 --> 00:18:30.609
that's why you would be a good salesman. I'm

00:18:30.609 --> 00:18:33.650
not. If you tell me no, I'm like, peace. I'm

00:18:33.650 --> 00:18:36.390
like, what did you answer today? Because I got

00:18:36.390 --> 00:18:40.089
someone, like I said, I got someone to say actually

00:18:40.089 --> 00:18:42.750
yes to me the other day to serving. To serving,

00:18:42.809 --> 00:18:44.970
yeah. I been at him for a little bit. He's like,

00:18:44.970 --> 00:18:48.990
oh, no. No, but he actually served. He's serving

00:18:48.990 --> 00:18:51.750
now, but that's okay. It took me a little bit,

00:18:51.849 --> 00:18:58.440
but I got it. Yeah. So that talks into persistence,

00:18:58.740 --> 00:19:03.000
right? And I think that, okay, here's something

00:19:03.000 --> 00:19:05.259
for you. We've talked about years ago it came

00:19:05.259 --> 00:19:08.519
up whenever we were watching War Room. Years

00:19:08.519 --> 00:19:11.240
and years and years ago. I love that movie. Yeah.

00:19:12.440 --> 00:19:15.259
God, it's been at least 10 years since we've

00:19:15.259 --> 00:19:16.420
talked about that. I want to watch the second

00:19:16.420 --> 00:19:19.640
one. Did we watch the second one? I don't know.

00:19:19.920 --> 00:19:21.420
Remember? Yeah, should we watch the second one

00:19:21.420 --> 00:19:25.700
where her son? I don't remember. Okay. I don't

00:19:25.700 --> 00:19:30.380
remember. I watched one about, it was a men's

00:19:30.380 --> 00:19:38.700
deal about Iron Sharpens Iron, but it was her

00:19:38.700 --> 00:19:41.359
son, but it wasn't a war room. It wasn't called

00:19:41.359 --> 00:19:43.960
war room. It led into war room. Yeah, but that

00:19:43.960 --> 00:19:46.019
old woman and the mom were in the beginning,

00:19:46.099 --> 00:19:47.819
and they were praying for her son or whatever,

00:19:48.019 --> 00:19:50.019
and he gets involved with this group of men,

00:19:50.099 --> 00:19:52.079
forged something. I can't remember what it's

00:19:52.079 --> 00:19:57.220
called. Oh. I watched a couple of scenes with

00:19:57.220 --> 00:19:59.119
my Bible study group, my men's group. I think

00:19:59.119 --> 00:20:03.000
it led into the second one. I don't remember

00:20:03.000 --> 00:20:04.880
what it was called. It doesn't matter. It was

00:20:04.880 --> 00:20:10.059
a good one. It dawned on me years ago when we

00:20:10.059 --> 00:20:13.109
were watching that movie about the persistence

00:20:13.109 --> 00:20:18.750
of the enemy. Right. And it, it shocked me in

00:20:18.750 --> 00:20:21.430
the moment to think about how persistent the

00:20:21.430 --> 00:20:25.450
enemy is fighting from a losing position. You

00:20:25.450 --> 00:20:28.049
know what I'm saying? The enemy has already been

00:20:28.049 --> 00:20:30.930
defeated. Yeah. It's done. There's no changing

00:20:30.930 --> 00:20:36.230
it. Right. But he's persistently fighting. Oh

00:20:36.230 --> 00:20:40.529
yeah. Why then are we not even more persistent?

00:20:41.230 --> 00:20:44.369
fighting from a position of victory. That's true.

00:20:44.609 --> 00:20:47.109
You know what I mean? What is it about us that

00:20:47.109 --> 00:20:51.210
keeps us allowing the enemy to defeat us in moments,

00:20:51.430 --> 00:20:55.849
right? Grand scheme can't win because all he's

00:20:55.849 --> 00:20:57.950
trying to do is take every one of us down he

00:20:57.950 --> 00:21:01.930
can. He hates you. He hates God. He hates Jesus.

00:21:02.069 --> 00:21:04.309
He hates everything it stands for, right? He

00:21:04.309 --> 00:21:10.839
hates, period. He hates. that we even want to

00:21:10.839 --> 00:21:16.960
try to have a relationship with God. And he already

00:21:16.960 --> 00:21:19.700
knows he's lost, and yet he's still that persistent.

00:21:21.680 --> 00:21:25.400
Why then are we not even more persistent knowing

00:21:25.400 --> 00:21:29.660
that we win? Because we get tired. We don't know

00:21:29.660 --> 00:21:32.480
how to just keep moving forward because we just

00:21:32.480 --> 00:21:37.759
lose like, just like we. We feel like we've lost

00:21:37.759 --> 00:21:40.660
the battle when we try to just, we slow down.

00:21:41.099 --> 00:21:46.640
Yeah. We don't know how to. I think every obstacle,

00:21:47.059 --> 00:21:51.460
let's say obstacle, that comes in our path becomes

00:21:51.460 --> 00:21:55.880
a deterrent, right? It becomes a negative to

00:21:55.880 --> 00:22:01.160
us. Like, I don't know. I'll just try to throw

00:22:01.160 --> 00:22:04.269
out a scenario. You know, you're. trucking along,

00:22:04.630 --> 00:22:07.049
you're doing, you feel like, you know, things

00:22:07.049 --> 00:22:09.750
are going well. You know what I mean? I'm in

00:22:09.750 --> 00:22:12.250
relationship with God. I'm getting better. I'm

00:22:12.250 --> 00:22:15.549
growing. And then something happens. You know,

00:22:15.549 --> 00:22:18.789
lose a job, car breaks down. I don't know. Name

00:22:18.789 --> 00:22:22.990
it. Lose somebody, lose a loved one, whatever.

00:22:24.950 --> 00:22:26.710
And every time one of those little obstacles

00:22:26.710 --> 00:22:30.390
comes up, it like knocks us down. You know what

00:22:30.390 --> 00:22:32.829
I mean? Instead of continuing forward. At the

00:22:32.829 --> 00:22:35.269
same level we were already at, instead of continuing

00:22:35.269 --> 00:22:37.549
forward, we've got to go backwards. You know

00:22:37.549 --> 00:22:39.490
what I mean? We slide back to where we were.

00:22:40.029 --> 00:22:42.309
Maybe not all the way. Right. And maybe we don't

00:22:42.309 --> 00:22:45.029
have as far to climb this time. Right. And maybe

00:22:45.029 --> 00:22:48.329
that's just part of it because, you know, I would

00:22:48.329 --> 00:22:50.630
have to look it up, but there's a scripture that

00:22:50.630 --> 00:22:54.769
talks about even though we fail, we keep getting

00:22:54.769 --> 00:22:56.910
back up. You know what I mean? Every time we

00:22:56.910 --> 00:22:58.730
get knocked down, we get back up. And I guess

00:22:58.730 --> 00:23:01.299
getting back up is the whole point then. Maybe

00:23:01.299 --> 00:23:05.200
that's the point, but it just seems like every

00:23:05.200 --> 00:23:08.960
time some obstacle or some negative happens in

00:23:08.960 --> 00:23:13.160
life, we just instantly go, you know what I mean?

00:23:13.400 --> 00:23:16.059
Like, why can't life always be good? Why do we

00:23:16.059 --> 00:23:18.180
always have to have obstacles? Why can't it just

00:23:18.180 --> 00:23:20.460
be easy? Because I think that's what it is, right?

00:23:20.500 --> 00:23:27.269
We want easy. I wish it was. I wish it was. You,

00:23:27.349 --> 00:23:28.369
me, and every other person on the planet. It's

00:23:28.369 --> 00:23:30.230
just like I was trying to explain to this guy.

00:23:30.309 --> 00:23:31.970
He goes, I got custody of my kids. I said, good.

00:23:33.250 --> 00:23:36.109
Discipline. Keep them where they need to be kept.

00:23:36.910 --> 00:23:41.410
Because our world right now is so crazy. And

00:23:41.410 --> 00:23:46.029
if we don't show our kids discipline, our world

00:23:46.029 --> 00:23:48.849
is just going to go downhill and downhill and

00:23:48.849 --> 00:23:51.529
downhill. Glad you got your kids. Yeah. Keep.

00:23:51.900 --> 00:23:53.859
Keep pressure and keep doing the things you're

00:23:53.859 --> 00:23:57.900
doing with your kids and love on them. And, dude,

00:23:57.940 --> 00:24:00.019
because when I was a kid, my mom, I'm not going

00:24:00.019 --> 00:24:02.559
to lie to you, my mom beat me. And you know what?

00:24:03.299 --> 00:24:07.799
Am I a great kid? I consider and say I'm a good

00:24:07.799 --> 00:24:11.420
kid. I feel like I'm a great kid. But was I,

00:24:11.559 --> 00:24:15.660
you know, was my mom mean to me? Yes. Well, okay.

00:24:15.660 --> 00:24:23.569
You know, I mean. I was. Okay, hold on. I'm not

00:24:23.569 --> 00:24:27.049
talking about me, but what would make you so,

00:24:27.109 --> 00:24:29.589
what are the things that you did that were so

00:24:29.589 --> 00:24:32.950
bad? Well, I snuck out the window. It ain't that

00:24:32.950 --> 00:24:37.069
bad. Okay. I did that many times. Okay. I didn't

00:24:37.069 --> 00:24:39.289
sneak out. I did it so much, I got to a point

00:24:39.289 --> 00:24:40.470
I didn't sneak out anymore. I just walked out

00:24:40.470 --> 00:24:41.849
the front door. I know. I walked out the front

00:24:41.849 --> 00:24:46.589
door, boy. No, sir. No, sir. I sure did. No,

00:24:46.589 --> 00:24:50.500
sir. I am. Okay, by comparison, keep going. Because

00:24:50.500 --> 00:24:55.240
I snuck out the windows. I would drink and come

00:24:55.240 --> 00:24:57.519
home, and I thought my mom had, I don't know,

00:24:57.559 --> 00:25:00.539
that girl was a bastard. I could be at the front

00:25:00.539 --> 00:25:02.819
door, like up against the front door. You drink

00:25:02.819 --> 00:25:09.000
beer? I ain't chew gum. Red, or was it? Big red.

00:25:09.140 --> 00:25:12.059
Big red. That stuff is pretty potent. Potent,

00:25:12.059 --> 00:25:14.980
yeah. And it was like three pieces. She still

00:25:14.980 --> 00:25:17.599
smells. Burning your mouth. Burning. She still

00:25:17.599 --> 00:25:24.220
smelled that. Perfume, you know. I mean, I don't

00:25:24.220 --> 00:25:26.940
do a whole lot of stuff. I mean, I didn't, you

00:25:26.940 --> 00:25:29.720
know. I don't know. I mean, she just. I can't

00:25:29.720 --> 00:25:31.220
tell you how many times I got taken home by the

00:25:31.220 --> 00:25:33.119
police. I never got taken home by the police.

00:25:33.140 --> 00:25:35.920
Good Lord, my mom never. No, my mom. So many

00:25:35.920 --> 00:25:40.400
times. So many times. Never arrested, but taken

00:25:40.400 --> 00:25:43.589
home. Just taken home by the cops. No. All kinds

00:25:43.589 --> 00:25:45.769
of things. My mom said, every time she whooped

00:25:45.769 --> 00:25:47.410
me, she goes, you call the cops on me? I wonder

00:25:47.410 --> 00:25:51.369
if she goes, go. Find someone else to live with.

00:25:51.529 --> 00:25:53.710
I'm like, uh -uh. We didn't do that either. We

00:25:53.710 --> 00:25:57.190
stole street signs. No. My mom would, no. Dude,

00:25:57.210 --> 00:25:59.130
me. My mom probably would beat me with them.

00:25:59.210 --> 00:26:05.809
Me and two friends took the entire pole with

00:26:05.809 --> 00:26:08.329
the concrete and everything and walked like.

00:26:09.009 --> 00:26:11.869
18 blocks in the middle of the night, just training,

00:26:12.109 --> 00:26:15.369
putting it on each other's shoulders. Dead serious,

00:26:15.569 --> 00:26:19.970
bro. Tell me it wasn't Scott. No, well, it wasn't

00:26:19.970 --> 00:26:23.150
Scott. We were friends at the time, but I think

00:26:23.150 --> 00:26:27.450
he was in Arkansas at the time. It was me, Joe,

00:26:27.650 --> 00:26:34.109
and a kid named Tony. Yeah, so, yeah. Dead serious,

00:26:34.369 --> 00:26:36.589
man. Middle of the freaking night. My mom probably

00:26:36.589 --> 00:26:39.750
would have buried me. There would probably have

00:26:39.750 --> 00:26:44.250
been no bones. My mom would have buried me. She

00:26:44.250 --> 00:26:45.630
would have buried me in the backyard. I remember

00:26:45.630 --> 00:26:47.329
the street names, but I'm not going to tell you.

00:26:47.549 --> 00:26:49.769
I don't know that there's a statute of limitations

00:26:49.769 --> 00:26:52.910
on that. Yeah, let's not do that. That was 30

00:26:52.910 --> 00:26:57.670
years ago. I wasn't a bad kid. I mean, I'm a

00:26:57.670 --> 00:26:59.230
little older than you, so there's a difference.

00:26:59.549 --> 00:27:02.730
I mean, I never did drugs or anything like that.

00:27:02.769 --> 00:27:05.049
We drank a little bit, but it wasn't. Well, okay,

00:27:05.109 --> 00:27:07.690
there's a difference, though. Your mom didn't

00:27:07.690 --> 00:27:10.410
do that stuff. True. You know what I mean? My

00:27:10.410 --> 00:27:15.750
mom did. She smoked weed, possibly some other

00:27:15.750 --> 00:27:18.869
things. She took pills for sure and drank for

00:27:18.869 --> 00:27:20.490
sure. But your mom worked all the time. My mom

00:27:20.490 --> 00:27:22.809
didn't work. My dad worked all the time. Right.

00:27:22.849 --> 00:27:26.089
My dad would go to his job, and then he would

00:27:26.089 --> 00:27:29.670
come home, put on his painter's outfit, and he

00:27:29.670 --> 00:27:31.789
would go and work with. Someone else who would

00:27:31.789 --> 00:27:34.450
paint there, and he would come home. If we had

00:27:34.450 --> 00:27:36.970
a game, he would go paint, go to our game, go

00:27:36.970 --> 00:27:39.470
back to paint. That's what he did. He worked

00:27:39.470 --> 00:27:43.490
all the time. My mom babysat. Oh, God. She would

00:27:43.490 --> 00:27:46.930
babysit some kids that were bad kids. That's

00:27:46.930 --> 00:27:48.769
why we didn't do a hula because she babysit some

00:27:48.769 --> 00:27:51.730
kids that were so bad. Yeah. You know, so, I

00:27:51.730 --> 00:27:55.130
mean, like I said, being bad, yeah, okay. I mean,

00:27:55.150 --> 00:27:58.230
when I got a little older, yes. I mean. Like

00:27:58.230 --> 00:28:02.039
when you became an adult. I mean, my last whooping,

00:28:02.140 --> 00:28:08.140
I was 18 years old. 17, 18. I wasn't living at

00:28:08.140 --> 00:28:12.200
home. I mean, I did something with someone, and

00:28:12.200 --> 00:28:15.900
she packed all my clothes in trash bags. Don't

00:28:15.900 --> 00:28:19.599
be all vague. You slept with somebody that she

00:28:19.599 --> 00:28:21.640
was not happy you slept with. Yeah, and she threw

00:28:21.640 --> 00:28:24.240
all my stuff online. She'll say she didn't say

00:28:24.240 --> 00:28:26.539
that, but she did. Right, and she may not be

00:28:26.539 --> 00:28:30.369
that way today, but she was then. Yeah, but,

00:28:30.410 --> 00:28:33.849
like, again. I wanted to see what I could get

00:28:33.849 --> 00:28:37.529
away with. I don't know if I could get away with

00:28:37.529 --> 00:28:38.890
it. I wanted to see what I could get away with.

00:28:38.970 --> 00:28:42.109
And it was. It was not fun. And I had to live

00:28:42.109 --> 00:28:46.190
with my boss, and that was. I'm telling you what.

00:28:46.269 --> 00:28:51.910
God knew the things. The paths I went down, I

00:28:51.910 --> 00:28:54.549
think I needed to go down those paths. I think

00:28:54.549 --> 00:29:00.210
he made me realize. And I lived with my boss.

00:29:01.349 --> 00:29:05.789
That was so bad. My boss was, and I watched her

00:29:05.789 --> 00:29:08.930
kids more. Yes. Some of the stuff she did, I

00:29:08.930 --> 00:29:11.690
was like, yeah. I don't know if you've ever,

00:29:11.789 --> 00:29:14.349
you've heard me say that, like, my boys saved

00:29:14.349 --> 00:29:18.670
my life. I mean, dead serious. If the pathway

00:29:18.670 --> 00:29:22.160
that I was on, had it continued on. there's no

00:29:22.160 --> 00:29:24.420
telling where I'd ended up. Right. But at 17,

00:29:24.500 --> 00:29:26.880
my first son was born and it changed my, it changed

00:29:26.880 --> 00:29:29.299
everything. Yeah. Right. Not that it made me

00:29:29.299 --> 00:29:31.660
a better person, but it gave me something to

00:29:31.660 --> 00:29:33.900
work for. Right. It gave me something to focus

00:29:33.900 --> 00:29:37.119
on. I have to take care of this thing. You know

00:29:37.119 --> 00:29:38.500
what I mean? I have to keep, make sure that it's

00:29:38.500 --> 00:29:40.140
taken care of. You know what I mean? So I couldn't

00:29:40.140 --> 00:29:43.180
just continue on the road I was on. Cause the

00:29:43.180 --> 00:29:45.220
road I was on was going to be, it was dangerous.

00:29:45.819 --> 00:29:49.940
That saved your life. Well, I mean, he was the

00:29:49.940 --> 00:29:53.240
first. Now he's fixing to have a baby, so hopefully

00:29:53.240 --> 00:29:57.940
they can, like, end. I could tell you that, like,

00:29:57.960 --> 00:30:01.119
I don't know where it would have gone had I not

00:30:01.119 --> 00:30:04.940
had him. It still wasn't all that great for a

00:30:04.940 --> 00:30:10.039
long time, but I was on a path that I probably

00:30:10.039 --> 00:30:13.960
would have ended up either in prison or dead.

00:30:18.059 --> 00:30:21.059
That was crazy. It's stupid. Some of the stuff

00:30:21.059 --> 00:30:27.700
you tell me, I'm like, ooh. Stupid stuff. I was

00:30:27.700 --> 00:30:31.019
the guy. I was that guy. You tell me, like, I

00:30:31.019 --> 00:30:32.980
have a lot of friends, man. People don't, I don't

00:30:32.980 --> 00:30:34.740
know. I've always been like this, right? I'm

00:30:34.740 --> 00:30:36.079
not the kind of, I'm not the most. And it's funny

00:30:36.079 --> 00:30:39.000
because, like I said, we should cross paths,

00:30:39.200 --> 00:30:41.859
you know, because you knew some of the people

00:30:41.859 --> 00:30:44.420
that, you know. I'm not the most likable person.

00:30:44.559 --> 00:30:47.019
It's been that way forever. And so I didn't have

00:30:47.019 --> 00:30:48.579
a lot of friends. And the friends I did have.

00:30:49.650 --> 00:30:51.470
some of them anyway, some of the friend groups

00:30:51.470 --> 00:30:54.269
I had, I was the guy. I was the one that was

00:30:54.269 --> 00:30:58.349
like, hey, John, could you do that? Yep. Yeah.

00:30:59.029 --> 00:31:01.009
You know what I mean? And I do stupid crap, dude.

00:31:01.690 --> 00:31:04.289
Beyond that, the substances, right? Like I never

00:31:04.289 --> 00:31:08.289
really got too far off into drugs. I drank, but

00:31:08.289 --> 00:31:10.210
I didn't really do a whole lot, and I smoked,

00:31:10.329 --> 00:31:12.410
but I never did a whole lot of other stuff. You

00:31:12.410 --> 00:31:14.029
know what I mean? A lot of that had to do with

00:31:14.029 --> 00:31:18.720
the fact that I had an out. Yeah. Hey, I can't.

00:31:18.720 --> 00:31:20.980
I got to go. You know what I mean? I got to go.

00:31:21.119 --> 00:31:23.140
I got a wife. I got a kid. You know what I mean?

00:31:23.220 --> 00:31:26.339
Yeah. And so that probably protected me from

00:31:26.339 --> 00:31:28.380
myself in a lot of ways. But I'm telling you,

00:31:28.420 --> 00:31:31.920
like, violence and substances, those are the

00:31:31.920 --> 00:31:34.740
two things that that's the path that I was on.

00:31:34.839 --> 00:31:37.200
And it would have gotten, I can only imagine

00:31:37.200 --> 00:31:39.039
it would have gotten worse. Right. Right. Had

00:31:39.039 --> 00:31:42.980
I not had Seth and then Aiden. Right. And then.

00:31:43.059 --> 00:31:45.829
How far apart Aiden and Seth? They're. They're

00:31:45.829 --> 00:31:50.049
like Irish twins, like 18 months. Oh, damn. I

00:31:50.049 --> 00:31:51.569
mean, I can't say that. Maybe it's 20 months.

00:31:52.109 --> 00:31:54.750
I think Shelby and Casey are 21 months apart.

00:31:54.890 --> 00:31:59.369
They're not, they're pretty, I mean. So he, Seth

00:31:59.369 --> 00:32:04.529
was born in January of 99. Aiden was August of

00:32:04.529 --> 00:32:10.049
2000, so something like that. Yeah. Did you like

00:32:10.049 --> 00:32:13.859
them that close together? 98, 99. It wasn't by...

00:32:13.859 --> 00:32:17.339
I mean, yeah, you're right. It wasn't intentional.

00:32:17.619 --> 00:32:23.079
Right, I get it. And had we not lost the baby

00:32:23.079 --> 00:32:26.180
in between, then that third one would have been

00:32:26.180 --> 00:32:31.000
close to Aiden too. Joseph ended up being roughly

00:32:31.000 --> 00:32:33.720
four years apart from Aiden because of that.

00:32:33.779 --> 00:32:36.559
You know what I'm saying? It's so funny that

00:32:36.559 --> 00:32:40.200
they're so close right now because I'm like...

00:32:41.140 --> 00:32:42.700
Right now, they're just so close. They're friends.

00:32:42.960 --> 00:32:46.160
They're so funny. That day, they were like, ooh.

00:32:46.880 --> 00:32:48.920
Is this how it always is with y 'all? And I'm

00:32:48.920 --> 00:32:50.740
like, y 'all are wearing me out. I was like,

00:32:50.759 --> 00:32:52.900
y 'all always talk like that? He's like, I'm

00:32:52.900 --> 00:32:55.980
like, I mean, I was surprised he was taking up

00:32:55.980 --> 00:32:59.920
for John. I was like, I never really liked John.

00:33:00.400 --> 00:33:03.079
I don't know that he never likes John. I just

00:33:03.079 --> 00:33:04.799
don't think he ever spent a lot of time around

00:33:04.799 --> 00:33:07.140
him. But at the end of the day, Aiden's pretty

00:33:07.140 --> 00:33:11.460
hard on John. Yeah, he is. For sure. But I think

00:33:11.460 --> 00:33:13.460
John needs it, though. Yeah, that's who he is.

00:33:13.579 --> 00:33:19.180
But I get it, you know. But, yeah, I don't even

00:33:19.180 --> 00:33:21.140
like thinking about it because I can only imagine

00:33:21.140 --> 00:33:24.079
the direction that it would have gone if I hadn't.

00:33:25.000 --> 00:33:27.039
And, again, just because I had the kids doesn't

00:33:27.039 --> 00:33:30.059
mean it had to change my life. It did because

00:33:30.059 --> 00:33:32.059
it motivated me to be different, right? Like

00:33:32.059 --> 00:33:34.779
I knew I couldn't. I know Aiden always tells

00:33:34.779 --> 00:33:37.079
you, Dad, how did you do it? And he's like, you're

00:33:37.079 --> 00:33:39.859
like, oh, man, what do you mean? Like, what are

00:33:39.859 --> 00:33:43.519
you talking about? I don't know. Do what? I don't

00:33:43.519 --> 00:33:46.319
know. You make it look easy. He's like, I'm glad

00:33:46.319 --> 00:33:48.160
you think I make it look easy because it was

00:33:48.160 --> 00:33:53.259
not easy. No. Having kids and you were going

00:33:53.259 --> 00:33:54.779
to school at the time when I met you, going to

00:33:54.779 --> 00:33:56.460
school and having a full -time job, that's hard.

00:33:56.759 --> 00:34:03.329
Yeah. I was. So. My first son was born when I

00:34:03.329 --> 00:34:09.429
was 17. We separated when I was 29, like right

00:34:09.429 --> 00:34:13.610
before my 30th birthday. I moved out on Valentine's

00:34:13.610 --> 00:34:17.429
Day. Dang. Happy Valentine's Day. Heart to you.

00:34:18.010 --> 00:34:24.969
2010. 2010. And so Seth would have been 12. Aiden

00:34:24.969 --> 00:34:26.989
would have been around 10. Joseph around 6 or

00:34:26.989 --> 00:34:33.670
7. And yeah. They stayed with her at first. She

00:34:33.670 --> 00:34:35.650
was still in Canyon at that point. She lived

00:34:35.650 --> 00:34:38.250
in Canyon still, right? And then whenever it

00:34:38.250 --> 00:34:41.889
took that one summer, it was that one summer

00:34:41.889 --> 00:34:48.210
that, you know, Aiden decided he wasn't down

00:34:48.210 --> 00:34:49.889
for what was happening. He only bowed when he

00:34:49.889 --> 00:34:52.849
was like, I don't want this. And then as soon

00:34:52.849 --> 00:34:55.210
as he did, the other two did. And I think it

00:34:55.210 --> 00:34:57.650
took like two weeks. We did opposite where I

00:34:57.650 --> 00:35:00.139
kept Aiden during the week. The other two on

00:35:00.139 --> 00:35:02.039
the weekend. Yeah. Which was kind of nice because

00:35:02.039 --> 00:35:05.440
it lowered the stimulation just a little bit.

00:35:05.579 --> 00:35:07.820
Yeah. And then, I mean, it didn't take long.

00:35:08.059 --> 00:35:10.480
Then the other two were like, can we just be

00:35:10.480 --> 00:35:12.780
on the same schedule as Aiden? And that's it.

00:35:12.860 --> 00:35:17.800
And I had them from that point forward. I remember

00:35:17.800 --> 00:35:21.800
that because she, because, is it Kenny Ray was

00:35:21.800 --> 00:35:24.679
his name? I remember you throwing the football

00:35:24.679 --> 00:35:26.460
because I was driving by one day and y 'all were

00:35:26.460 --> 00:35:27.460
throwing the football, you were throwing the

00:35:27.460 --> 00:35:31.280
football in front. And his house. And I was like,

00:35:31.579 --> 00:35:35.780
that's John and Aiden. That little kid with long

00:35:35.780 --> 00:35:38.239
hair and those big old ears. Yeah, I remember

00:35:38.239 --> 00:35:42.460
the first time. And you and I weren't really

00:35:42.460 --> 00:35:45.360
even talking yet. But, like, I don't know. You

00:35:45.360 --> 00:35:47.639
would see me. I would never see you. I would

00:35:47.639 --> 00:35:49.420
saw you. You're like a black. You and your big

00:35:49.420 --> 00:35:53.440
old beard. It's smaller than it is now. It was

00:35:53.440 --> 00:35:57.969
nice and fluffy. But I remember you saying you

00:35:57.969 --> 00:36:00.070
saw me at Walmart. I don't know if that was Mother's

00:36:00.070 --> 00:36:01.590
Day or something like that. It was Mother's Day.

00:36:01.630 --> 00:36:03.690
It was off of Ross right there. Yeah, or Grand.

00:36:04.190 --> 00:36:07.250
Oh. Grand, Walmart. Yes, it was Grand. And that

00:36:07.250 --> 00:36:11.949
was when I was seeing Jennifer, and we were going

00:36:11.949 --> 00:36:13.690
to her. Her apartment was right behind there.

00:36:14.070 --> 00:36:18.809
Oh, yeah. That's where we were at. That was really.

00:36:18.849 --> 00:36:20.130
I know, because your kids looked at me like.

00:36:20.769 --> 00:36:24.809
Who's that? Who's that? Who's talking? I mean,

00:36:24.829 --> 00:36:28.690
your kids are still like that today. Like, who

00:36:28.690 --> 00:36:31.929
are they? Who are you talking to? I mean, they

00:36:31.929 --> 00:36:34.989
don't. They're not social anyway, so it's weird

00:36:34.989 --> 00:36:37.869
because they don't like, you know. They're getting

00:36:37.869 --> 00:36:40.230
better, honestly. Aiden's getting really better.

00:36:40.389 --> 00:36:42.889
You know, but my family's a little from around

00:36:42.889 --> 00:36:46.070
my mother anyway. You know, so it's like, you

00:36:46.070 --> 00:36:50.170
know. They don't talk a lot anyway, so it's like.

00:36:50.539 --> 00:36:53.139
When your kids are talking, they're just like,

00:36:53.239 --> 00:37:01.260
don't talk to us, you know? Yeah. Golly, that's

00:37:01.260 --> 00:37:02.900
crazy. I don't even know why we were talking

00:37:02.900 --> 00:37:09.780
about all that, but just talking through the

00:37:09.780 --> 00:37:13.659
process of whatever, you know, all the things,

00:37:13.780 --> 00:37:23.230
man. That's the second moment in my life that,

00:37:23.309 --> 00:37:26.610
you know, I guess multiple times, if I really

00:37:26.610 --> 00:37:30.550
reflected back on life, I could find God in it.

00:37:31.190 --> 00:37:32.909
You know what I mean? I can too. Like I was telling

00:37:32.909 --> 00:37:35.389
people at the bar, you know, I've always had

00:37:35.389 --> 00:37:37.809
God in my life to begin with, but God's put me

00:37:37.809 --> 00:37:40.829
in places that I needed to go through these things

00:37:40.829 --> 00:37:43.289
to get to where I am today. And my life today

00:37:43.289 --> 00:37:47.369
is way better than... I needed to go. I mean,

00:37:47.389 --> 00:37:49.590
if I would have, we would have met then. I don't

00:37:49.590 --> 00:37:51.789
think we, I mean, I'm not saying we wouldn't

00:37:51.789 --> 00:37:54.789
be together. We would be together, but I had

00:37:54.789 --> 00:37:57.590
to go through these things to be able to get

00:37:57.590 --> 00:37:59.670
where I am today. I can't say that it would,

00:37:59.730 --> 00:38:02.010
or we would, because it would be completely different.

00:38:02.210 --> 00:38:03.449
Oh, yeah, absolutely. You know what I mean? We

00:38:03.449 --> 00:38:04.969
would be completely different people. I think

00:38:04.969 --> 00:38:08.329
we're way powerful today than we were five years

00:38:08.329 --> 00:38:10.530
ago. And through what? Through the struggle,

00:38:10.590 --> 00:38:12.130
through the trial, through the pain, through

00:38:12.130 --> 00:38:13.690
the, you know what I mean? Everything, yeah.

00:38:14.219 --> 00:38:17.860
I mean, struggle is real, but we have to learn

00:38:17.860 --> 00:38:20.880
to be able to put God in our lives first, and

00:38:20.880 --> 00:38:23.719
we have to learn to just, like we've been talking

00:38:23.719 --> 00:38:27.659
about, go forward. Keep walking forward and love

00:38:27.659 --> 00:38:31.219
God where he's at today. We have to love Jesus

00:38:31.219 --> 00:38:33.960
where he's at because he's there for us, and

00:38:33.960 --> 00:38:38.699
that's it, you know? I remember the day I discovered

00:38:38.699 --> 00:38:46.679
that. It was God first, then children, or then

00:38:46.679 --> 00:38:48.559
spouse, then children. I didn't know that. That's

00:38:48.559 --> 00:38:50.340
crazy. Because I tell everybody that all the

00:38:50.340 --> 00:38:52.760
time now, you know, that you have to be able

00:38:52.760 --> 00:38:57.019
to put God, your wife, and the family. And some

00:38:57.019 --> 00:38:58.360
people are still not like that today. They're

00:38:58.360 --> 00:39:00.500
like, no, my kids. And I'm like, okay, then if

00:39:00.500 --> 00:39:02.619
you're going to do that, then, you know. You're

00:39:02.619 --> 00:39:04.420
putting your children in a place they don't belong.

00:39:04.659 --> 00:39:07.179
Yeah, because you have to learn to be able to.

00:39:08.000 --> 00:39:09.780
The truth of the matter is, is like your children

00:39:09.780 --> 00:39:13.239
are going to leave you. Yeah. That's even scriptural.

00:39:13.440 --> 00:39:15.179
It's funny because you told your kids that, you

00:39:15.179 --> 00:39:17.260
know, y 'all are going to leave and I have to

00:39:17.260 --> 00:39:20.780
love someone. I don't want to be lonely. We're

00:39:20.780 --> 00:39:22.179
not meant to be alone. We're not designed to

00:39:22.179 --> 00:39:25.019
be alone. We're designed to have a partner. We

00:39:25.019 --> 00:39:27.360
have to love. We have to learn to love, you know.

00:39:27.760 --> 00:39:30.260
But we're not designed to be by ourselves. Life

00:39:30.260 --> 00:39:36.019
is struggle. On our own, it's hard. Harder. Harder.

00:39:36.380 --> 00:39:38.440
Right? And that's why two people back to back

00:39:38.440 --> 00:39:40.500
can fight off a horde. You know what I mean?

00:39:40.500 --> 00:39:43.920
But one by itself gets crushed. Because we're

00:39:43.920 --> 00:39:45.300
not meant to do this alone. That's why whenever

00:39:45.300 --> 00:39:49.179
God created Eve, he said it's not good for man

00:39:49.179 --> 00:39:51.800
to be alone. We're not meant to be alone. We're

00:39:51.800 --> 00:39:56.000
meant to have a partner. A partner. Not a slave.

00:39:56.800 --> 00:40:00.539
A partner. You know what I'm saying? And your

00:40:00.539 --> 00:40:02.780
children are not that. They're going to go off

00:40:02.780 --> 00:40:04.559
and they're going to do their own thing. Right.

00:40:04.860 --> 00:40:07.039
Right. And live their own life. And so if you're

00:40:07.039 --> 00:40:09.159
putting your children's happiness before your

00:40:09.159 --> 00:40:11.579
spouse's, you're going to it's going to fall

00:40:11.579 --> 00:40:14.239
apart. I promise you. Yeah. Because then when

00:40:14.239 --> 00:40:16.460
they do leave, you have no idea how to make your

00:40:16.460 --> 00:40:20.159
spouse happy. Exactly. And this is me. I'm telling

00:40:20.159 --> 00:40:22.079
you right now. I there's no way I could not.

00:40:23.179 --> 00:40:26.519
I could not sit at home doing that. I just can't.

00:40:26.639 --> 00:40:28.460
I have to be doing something like I don't mind

00:40:28.460 --> 00:40:30.539
sitting on couch with you. And that's different.

00:40:30.639 --> 00:40:34.280
But to just be alone. I don't, I can't. You would

00:40:34.280 --> 00:40:36.440
never be at home. You would never be at home

00:40:36.440 --> 00:40:39.920
ever. I'm just saying, I could not just be alone.

00:40:40.079 --> 00:40:43.679
I just could not. Yeah, I can be alone to a point.

00:40:44.039 --> 00:40:47.679
And I can, well, not anymore because of you.

00:40:47.820 --> 00:40:52.300
If I have a choice to be alone or be with you,

00:40:52.320 --> 00:40:53.780
I'm going to pick you every time. Well, yes,

00:40:53.900 --> 00:40:56.280
absolutely. Right? And if I didn't have you,

00:40:56.400 --> 00:41:00.420
I can handle being alone for a while. You know

00:41:00.420 --> 00:41:02.750
what I mean? But I will get lonely. You know

00:41:02.750 --> 00:41:06.849
what I'm saying? My dad and I, all of us are

00:41:06.849 --> 00:41:08.849
similar in that way. We kind of like being alone.

00:41:09.429 --> 00:41:12.909
But I'm not the kind of person that's going to

00:41:12.909 --> 00:41:15.269
want to be alone permanently. You know what I

00:41:15.269 --> 00:41:19.570
mean? I couldn't imagine just coming home to

00:41:19.570 --> 00:41:22.780
an empty house all by myself. Every single day.

00:41:22.840 --> 00:41:24.260
And we have the dogs, but, I mean, that's a little

00:41:24.260 --> 00:41:27.139
different. And, yeah, that's companion. Companionship.

00:41:27.900 --> 00:41:29.880
Not the same. You need a little bit more. You

00:41:29.880 --> 00:41:31.260
know what I mean? I totally understand. I need

00:41:31.260 --> 00:41:34.679
a little bit more. And not just the sexual stuff.

00:41:35.619 --> 00:41:38.199
It's just the touch. It's more. It's companionship.

00:41:38.559 --> 00:41:42.980
It's love. It's touch. It's talk. It's that intimacy

00:41:42.980 --> 00:41:46.570
between each other in conversation. you know,

00:41:46.610 --> 00:41:49.510
laughing at each other over our stupidity and,

00:41:49.510 --> 00:41:51.570
you know, sometimes getting mad at each other

00:41:51.570 --> 00:41:53.110
over our stupidity. Because if you don't fight,

00:41:53.170 --> 00:41:55.530
you're not growing. Sorry. I can sit here and

00:41:55.530 --> 00:41:57.010
say it all day long. You got to learn to fight

00:41:57.010 --> 00:41:58.989
to be able to grow. I don't like fighting with

00:41:58.989 --> 00:42:01.530
you. I do. I love fighting with you. I know you

00:42:01.530 --> 00:42:03.030
do. I'm just kidding. Pick fights with me. I

00:42:03.030 --> 00:42:05.190
don't. I'm just kidding. Well, and it's because

00:42:05.190 --> 00:42:11.510
of my low self -esteem and my fear of, because

00:42:11.510 --> 00:42:13.489
everybody I've always loved, ever loved, has

00:42:13.489 --> 00:42:18.550
always gone away. You know what I mean? I'm terrified

00:42:18.550 --> 00:42:21.449
of that. It's a, it's a thing. You know what

00:42:21.449 --> 00:42:24.130
I mean? I'm afraid to every single fight is going

00:42:24.130 --> 00:42:26.230
to be the last fight. Right. You know what I

00:42:26.230 --> 00:42:32.210
mean? And I don't, it's hard to have confidence

00:42:32.210 --> 00:42:34.610
that that's not going to happen. Right. You know

00:42:34.610 --> 00:42:36.610
what I mean? It's hard to be like, because I

00:42:36.610 --> 00:42:38.869
think that having that, having that kind of confidence

00:42:38.869 --> 00:42:43.130
can be, or like that it will make you take it

00:42:43.130 --> 00:42:44.929
for granted even further. Right. Right. Because

00:42:44.929 --> 00:42:46.920
it's like, She's not going to leave me anyway.

00:42:47.260 --> 00:42:52.780
If there's no fear of that, then you know what

00:42:52.780 --> 00:42:54.400
I'm saying? What's to correct my behavior? It's

00:42:54.400 --> 00:42:56.860
no different than heaven and hell, right? If

00:42:56.860 --> 00:42:59.260
there's no hell, if there is no existence of

00:42:59.260 --> 00:43:01.760
darkness, then why would you chase the light?

00:43:02.019 --> 00:43:06.360
You know what I'm saying? So it is kind of having

00:43:06.360 --> 00:43:12.400
that lack of confidence in a way is a positive,

00:43:12.480 --> 00:43:14.579
don't get me wrong, but it also can be very negative

00:43:14.579 --> 00:43:17.739
because You dwell on those things. You know what

00:43:17.739 --> 00:43:20.159
I mean? And whenever we do get in a fight, I

00:43:20.159 --> 00:43:23.559
can't get over it. I'm over whatever you've done.

00:43:23.900 --> 00:43:25.840
It's me that I can't get over. I'm the one just

00:43:25.840 --> 00:43:30.900
tired. Just kidding. It's the most frustrating

00:43:30.900 --> 00:43:33.920
thing in the world. I know. Just kidding. And

00:43:33.920 --> 00:43:37.099
I hate that it's so easy to just kind of shut

00:43:37.099 --> 00:43:41.179
it off for you. It does. Like I said, I was with

00:43:41.179 --> 00:43:43.780
a person that I had to learn to just shut it

00:43:43.780 --> 00:43:45.840
off. Right. It was just one of those things.

00:43:47.300 --> 00:43:50.539
Yeah, but see, that's where it's so difficult

00:43:50.539 --> 00:43:53.940
for us because I'm like, I can't just shut it

00:43:53.940 --> 00:43:56.159
off. I have to be able to come to some sort of

00:43:56.159 --> 00:43:58.840
a resolution. I just learned to shut it off.

00:43:58.840 --> 00:44:01.639
I was like, yep, if I don't sleep, it just gets

00:44:01.639 --> 00:44:03.519
worse for me because I had to learn to shut it

00:44:03.519 --> 00:44:05.900
off. Oh, that makes me want to be violent. Yes,

00:44:05.900 --> 00:44:08.900
I know. I'm sorry. I just was like, all right.

00:44:10.159 --> 00:44:13.900
Yes, I know. I know. I'm sorry. But like I said.

00:44:14.039 --> 00:44:16.440
Never at you. At least, but I don't think I've

00:44:16.440 --> 00:44:19.380
ever told you that either. I think I know that

00:44:19.380 --> 00:44:21.900
without you really saying it because I understand

00:44:21.900 --> 00:44:24.599
the dynamic. I understand some of the things.

00:44:27.199 --> 00:44:29.659
I remember, oh God, that was one of the worst

00:44:29.659 --> 00:44:32.159
days of my life. That fight that you and I had.

00:44:32.219 --> 00:44:34.219
And it really wasn't even that serious. I wasn't

00:44:34.219 --> 00:44:36.340
even touching you. But you were like hiding it

00:44:36.340 --> 00:44:38.079
with your face against the wall. And I'm like,

00:44:38.159 --> 00:44:41.500
what is wrong with you? Like, I am not going

00:44:41.500 --> 00:44:47.969
to hurt you. That was an eye -opener. Yes. Not

00:44:47.969 --> 00:44:50.789
in a good way either. I've gotten over that.

00:44:50.889 --> 00:44:53.570
We've been together 15 years, and I'm telling

00:44:53.570 --> 00:44:59.050
you, I've overcome a lot of that. A lot of that.

00:45:00.170 --> 00:45:03.230
Well, I mean, you were in some scary places being

00:45:03.230 --> 00:45:07.150
treated. Very poorly. In not very good ways and

00:45:07.150 --> 00:45:11.590
not with respect. And look, I'm not always respectful

00:45:11.590 --> 00:45:14.690
either. Way more respectful than I was treated.

00:45:15.170 --> 00:45:19.869
But if that's the bar, you know what I'm saying?

00:45:19.969 --> 00:45:23.489
Then I'm not shooting very high, right? To me,

00:45:23.510 --> 00:45:27.369
you deserve to be treated at the highest level,

00:45:27.469 --> 00:45:30.289
right? Like a queen, you deserve to be treated

00:45:30.289 --> 00:45:35.090
like a queen. That's what you deserve. I don't

00:45:35.090 --> 00:45:37.909
always meet that bar, right? Probably more often

00:45:37.909 --> 00:45:41.840
than not, I don't meet that bar, right? At the

00:45:41.840 --> 00:45:44.960
same time, it goes both ways. We both deserve

00:45:44.960 --> 00:45:47.980
to be treated with the highest, utmost respect.

00:45:48.880 --> 00:45:54.579
Some people will talk about things needing to

00:45:54.579 --> 00:45:58.940
be earned. Well, if that's the case, I'm never

00:45:58.940 --> 00:46:00.800
going to measure up. It's like God's grace. I'm

00:46:00.800 --> 00:46:03.980
never going to measure up. I can't earn it. At

00:46:03.980 --> 00:46:06.820
some point, you have to humble yourself and be

00:46:06.820 --> 00:46:10.510
like, I'm just going to do it anyway. And watch

00:46:10.510 --> 00:46:13.050
how it changes. You know what I'm saying? Control

00:46:13.050 --> 00:46:15.989
you. Quit trying to control them. Control you.

00:46:16.670 --> 00:46:20.889
And regardless of what they do or how they do

00:46:20.889 --> 00:46:24.690
it, do what you're supposed to do. Pray with

00:46:24.690 --> 00:46:27.010
them. Pray for them. Be respectful of them. Give

00:46:27.010 --> 00:46:29.809
them kindness and love. And watch how they change.

00:46:29.889 --> 00:46:33.909
I might have said this one already. What do you

00:46:33.909 --> 00:46:41.090
call a baby potato? A baby potato? I don't know.

00:46:41.889 --> 00:46:53.449
A small fry. I can see it. I think this one kind

00:46:53.449 --> 00:46:55.210
of encompasses a little bit of what we were talking

00:46:55.210 --> 00:46:57.670
about here, especially down the end, towards

00:46:57.670 --> 00:47:02.349
the end of Seneca. To be happy, you must eliminate

00:47:02.349 --> 00:47:06.469
two things. The fear of a bad future and the

00:47:06.469 --> 00:47:10.449
memory of a bad past. So good. It's so true,

00:47:10.510 --> 00:47:14.570
though. 100%. 100%. It really kind of does encircle

00:47:14.570 --> 00:47:16.670
a lot of that conversation, especially down the

00:47:16.670 --> 00:47:19.489
stretch. And this has been a very weird episode

00:47:19.489 --> 00:47:22.469
today, a lot of distractions, a lot of difficult

00:47:22.469 --> 00:47:24.909
things. And it's the schedule all being off and

00:47:24.909 --> 00:47:26.969
everything like that, this being a holiday and

00:47:26.969 --> 00:47:30.030
all that kind of stuff, and some phone calls

00:47:30.030 --> 00:47:34.690
and things like that. You know, it is what it

00:47:34.690 --> 00:47:39.480
is. I would be really interested in how this

00:47:39.480 --> 00:47:43.519
turns out here in a week or so. It's okay. We

00:47:43.519 --> 00:47:48.079
got this. You know, to me, everything is about

00:47:48.079 --> 00:47:50.639
consistency and commitment, right? Absolutely.

00:47:50.639 --> 00:47:54.199
If you are consistent with your commitment, it

00:47:54.199 --> 00:47:56.340
will change. You're not going to be perfect.

00:47:56.500 --> 00:47:58.199
You're never going to reach perfect. Absolutely

00:47:58.199 --> 00:47:59.820
not. You're not trying to reach perfect. You're

00:47:59.820 --> 00:48:01.719
just trying to be better today than you were

00:48:01.719 --> 00:48:04.840
yesterday. Yes, absolutely. Yes. That's all we

00:48:04.840 --> 00:48:06.760
can do. All we're doing is moving forward. And

00:48:06.760 --> 00:48:09.320
we're moving forward with God. And that's all

00:48:09.320 --> 00:48:11.340
that matters. And that's all you have to be doing

00:48:11.340 --> 00:48:14.719
is a step forward. That's it. That's all I can

00:48:14.719 --> 00:48:17.280
do. That's all I can focus on. All I can focus

00:48:17.280 --> 00:48:23.480
on is me. And love you the best I can. And not

00:48:23.480 --> 00:48:24.940
just hope that it's enough. You know what I mean?

00:48:24.960 --> 00:48:26.280
Because if I'm loving you the way I'm supposed

00:48:26.280 --> 00:48:29.460
to, the way I know I'm supposed to, then it will

00:48:29.460 --> 00:48:32.320
be enough. It will be enough. And I love you.

00:48:32.639 --> 00:48:39.559
Well, I love you too. More than anything. Anyway,

00:48:39.559 --> 00:48:41.840
we love you guys. Thank you for taking the time

00:48:41.840 --> 00:48:46.400
to listen to us. If you have anything or comments,

00:48:46.480 --> 00:48:48.360
questions, whatever, you know how to reach us.

00:48:48.579 --> 00:48:52.460
We've got email, social, TikTok, YouTube, whatever.

00:48:53.440 --> 00:48:55.860
Come check us out. Let us know what you need

00:48:55.860 --> 00:48:58.579
from us, how we can pray for you. If you have

00:48:58.579 --> 00:49:05.159
questions for us, reach out. We'd love to. Come

00:49:05.159 --> 00:49:07.579
into community with you and be a part of the

00:49:07.579 --> 00:49:11.139
circle that is a positive force in your life

00:49:11.139 --> 00:49:14.199
instead of the negative ones. Remember, show

00:49:14.199 --> 00:49:15.659
me your friends and I'll show you your future.

00:49:15.820 --> 00:49:19.460
Amen. Thank you very much. Peace out.